I've never been asked to leave a gym before.......

  I've never been asked to leave a gym before but after the events tonight I suspect that may change. Every word of this tale is true and will probably end up on YouTube one day. Hopefully not.
  Recently I have switched to doing a fair amount of opening shifts which require me to get up at 4 a.m. Considering I don't go to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning, it's made for some short nights which have had an interesting and unwanted side effect. Typically after my shift is over I swing by the gym for a quick 45 minute workout and then head to the sauna for another half hour before going home. And this is where the problem started. For whatever reason I fall asleep in the sauna right after working out. That would be bad enough but it isn't a deep sleep as much as it is sleep-sweating.
  Last week after a workout I drifted off and was awaken by my phone bouncing off my foot. The other men in the sauna were glancing at me the way people glance at a homeless sidewalk preacher. Part out of interest, part out of fear he might be crazy. I chalked it up to being over-tired until over the weekend I managed to slump forward and bang my head on the railing so violently it knocked my headphones off. The people in the sauna with me that day weren't even trying to hide their concern. And their concern had nothing to do with the growing knot on my head. When people get up and leave the sauna shortly after arriving and all at the same time you realize you're scaring them.
  Now that you have the background let me tell you about tonight's brush with narcolepsy. Once again, after opening and working a demanding physical shift I stopped at the gym on the way home. 45 minutes later I was perched on the bench of the sauna with a staunch determination not to fall asleep. It couldn't have been 10 minutes when my head started slumping forward and my mind started detaching from it's current reality. Fortunately a large man sat on the bench which caused me to not fall asleep. But it was only a temporary reprieve because my head dipped again and I was at work in the office on the computer when one of my servers told me I had a phone call. So I turned to my left and said in a loud voice, "Who is it". To say the stranger seated to my left in the sauna was surprised  would be a gross understatement. I'm just glad he didn't hit me. After I realized I yelled at a volume that was way above normal (headphones and loud music will raise your voice every time) it was time to apologize but I couldn't. He was out the door before I even opened my mouth to say I was sorry.
  Because the sauna was now empty again and I wasn't ready to leave, I switched songs and tried not to think about how freaked out that guy must have been. While I was mulling that over the familiar tilt of the head was occurring once again. The scene from earlier repeated itself as a man sat down heavily next to me, momentarily prolonging the inevitable involuntary nap. Apparently he hadn't run into the guy who was yelled at or he would have sat somewhere else. No matter because I wasn't going to fall asleep again except that I did. And oddly enough I didn't go very far into sleep because I started thinking about what had just happened. And then I was sitting with my wife Scarlett telling her about yelling at a random guy and she was laughing really hard. I love hearing her laugh so I had a big, goofy smile on my face when I turned to look at her. Except it wasn't her but the newest victim who sat next to me. When I noticed it wasn't my wife the smile changed instantly to a frown, no a scowl. A menacing, pissed off scowl. This poor chap couldn't have mover faster if he was on fire.
   Perhaps nobody bothered to tell the front desk at the health club that there is a complete whack job scaring people in the locker. Maybe they won't tell anybody else but that's not the way to bet it. I think the next time I hit the sauna there will be an armed guard inside. Or all the members will line up outside the plexi-glass windows to watch the show. Either way, my time may be over at the gym.

Till next........