Ancient Chinese secret?....Not at all...

  The one household chore that I have never minded doing was laundry. It's not that I'm a great husband (I have two court documents to prove otherwise) so much as it is the fact that laundry can be done in conjunction with other important jobs. Start a load of clothes and turn on the ballgame, wait till halftime, move them to the dryer, watch the second half of the game, fold the clothes and repeat if needed. Why wouldn't a man want to embrace the easiest of tasks? Because once you begin, you get the rules. Rules?
  For those of you who are single the rules have probably been taught to you at some point. Hopefully you have the good sense to ignore them. When I was single the laundry rules consisted of the sniff test and a constant battle of re-balancing the washing machine during the spin cycle. Once you pack that bad boy full of everything you own and it gets to spinning sideways it makes a lot of noise. I'm pretty sure that on one such occasion the washing machine actually rattled all the way into the living room before I got off the couch. What about ironing your clothes? I don't know how it works for shirts but it makes a great grilled cheese sandwich. The rules are for those who choose to follow them. Fight the power, if you're single.
  Apparently the color of clothing is mystically linked to water temperature. Newton, Einstein or even Bill Nye have not been able to explain the fact that white clothes must be washed in hot or warm water. Dark clothes will be vaporized if they are washed in anything other than cold water. Don't even get me started on red or pink clothing. They are the kosher color of clothes. They must not touch or even be seen by the other clothes. I've seen nuclear waste handled with less care than a red shirt. If it also has a tag that reads delicate, a special protocol must be followed. If you have a hazardous material suit at your disposal that will help. These must be washed by the hands of a monk who had spent at least a decade in some sort of laundry monastery I like to wash the reds with the whites because I like the color pink. I am an innovator.
  Did you know that bras require there own bag during the washing? I didn't either. Then one day I pulled out a bra from the washer and every other piece of clothing had attached itself to the bra. It came out like a string of Corona pennants that you see around the patio of every Mexican restaurant. I should have walked straight out the back door and hooked the whole load to a tree. Sure, it would look like a bad episode of Green Acres but it would have been efficient. This little tip comes under the preparation of laundry.
  This is where laundry becomes confusing. As a man, I undress the same way every night. My shoes are kicked off and then I hook my big toe on my right foot into the bottom of my pants leg on the left leg and remove my socks and pants at the same time. I pull my shirt over my head by the arms so it is not inside out. Basically it looks like the rapture has occurred and I was taken away. Or if you have ever seen a snake shed his skin on Animal Planet you get the general idea. The clothes lay flat as if I disappeared. Women and children have an entirely different theory. They seem to remove the clothing as if they were on fire. Jeans rolled down from the waist with the socks and underwear buried somewhere in between. An entire wardrobe is reduced to a single textile ball. I have seen prostitutes undress with more deliberation. What I meant to say was I have a friend who has seen prostitutes undress with more deliberation. It takes longer to unravel the clothes than it does to wash and dry them. No wonder women don't like doing laundry. With all of the rules they follow I wouldn't like it either. That's why I don't follow them.

Till next.......

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