The keys to a happy marriage....advice to my sons.....

   I know what everyone who knows me is thinking right now. Why in the name of all that is good and holy is he giving advice about marriage. He's got rice burns he's been married so many times. True, there are plow horses that have been hitched less than me but experience is a very good teacher if the pupil is willing to learn. How many other people can say they have been happily married three times. That pool is a whole lot less crowded. Sure at the end of the first two there was some tension and conflict but we came out of it as not only friends, but good friends. Most of the time we were married there was very little drama or anything resembling anger. My exes know I would do anything I could to help them if they needed it. So maybe I do know something.
   So pay attention boys and I will give you the five keys to a happy marriage. Take notes if needed.

1. Her opinion is the most important one in your life from the moment you say I do. It is more important than your friends, sibling, mother and yes, even your father. (maybe especially your father) It doesn't mean you will agree with everything. You won't. Your wife is obviously smart or she wouldn't have married you so treat her thoughts with the respect they deserve. Don't worry about the occasional disagreement. It is healthy long term to clear things out that no longer need to be there. Kind of like a forest fire or a bad case of stomach flu. 
2. Love her with out conditions. Trying to change someone you love and married is like rowing a boat with one oar. You are going to get really tired, frustrated and wind up right back where you started. Not to mention you will be using one arm for quite a while if you persist. She is probably not perfect, remember she married you so she doesn't demand perfection. Neither should you.
3. The most important parts of your body to her are your heart,your hands, your ears and shoulder. She just wants to be in your heart. She wants you to listen and actually hear her problems and wants a shoulder to lean on when she needs help. Don't believe the porn you see on the internet or the crap on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. She will be much more impressed if you know if you know 15 ways to fix the dryer than if you 15 positions of the Kama Sutra.
4. Laughter is the best medicine. Marriage can sometimes be hard work so a little laughter goes a long way. Try to make her laugh and not make her cry. This will become somewhat tricky at times. I guarantee you there will be at least one time where you will find your wife crying and when you rush over to find out what is wrong you will here, "I love you so much". When this happens try VERY hard not to laugh. I know this will make no sense to you. It didn't to me either but do not laugh. She is very liable to change her opinion of you right then and there. Give her a hug and hide your face in her shoulder if you have to. Then if you start laughing it will seem like you are sobbing uncontrollably. That works to your benefit.
5. Never forget you have entered into a partnership. Be man enough to ask for help if you need it. Don't try to solve every problem by yourself. Yours or hers. Sometimes she will share a problem she is having and you will immediately offer several solutions. Do not do this. It is a trap. Much like the crying tears of joy thing mentioned earlier it may not make sense but she doesn't want you to fix anything. She just wants you to listen. Sometimes she wants solutions. I've got nothing for you on this one boys. I still haven't completely figured this one out yet. If you do please give me a call. Be honest. Again, a little tricky. Does this make me look fat is not a time for honesty. Do you love me? Honesty. How about we go to a festival this weekend? Tricky. Are you okay with staying home tonight instead of going out? Honesty. Do you think she looks good dressed like that? Tricky....You get the idea.

     My failure in every one of the areas will allow you the luxury of not repeating them. I still screw up some of them but I recover much quicker. While I am nowhere near a perfect husband I like to think I am not a horrible one either. In short boys if you want to be treated like a king treat her like a queen and you will be. Four words sum it up best: Don't be an asshole. When you do get married be forewarned that if you complain to me that your wife is acting like a bitch I might explain to you that is what happens when they marry an asshole.

Till next.......