My plan for growing old with style.

During the last two days the number 50 has come up on several occasions. All in reference to my birthday in 2011. So it became rather evident that what I need is a plan to sail into the second half of my life with style. At least not embarrassing ,if not in style.

The first thing to address is the height of pants to chin ratio. The older a man gets, the closer to his chin his pants go. Not all at once but they creep slowly upward. Kind of like a Sans-a-belt snail. To offset this disturbing fashion trend men began carrying loose change. Twenty dollars worth of nickels, dimes and quarters will keep even a gym teachers shorts from riding up. Have you ever been in a hurry at a check out line and had a "seasoned citizen" in front of you tell the clerk, "$18.36 I think I have that" and then proceed to whip out a stack of change that could put a fleet of SUV's through a car wash? I have. And I know why. He is just keeping his pants from creeping up over his head. If it weren't for a pocketful of change he might be talking to you through his zipper.

And I also have a plan for socks and footwear. Just because I have survived half a century doesn't give me the right to wear knee high black socks with shorts. Well I have the right but looking like I escaped from a German Oktoberfest party without the suspenders is not what I'm shooting for. And shorts should not be worn with dress shoes. How men who raised kids and held jobs could leave the house dressed like that is a mystery. I did walk my dog in boxer shorts one day but that was just, well, stupid. And at least I was wearing tennis shoes.

Last but not least is my plan to eat at home a lot. There is some point in a mans life when he can no longer feel his face. Or morsels of food that reside there. Cheese can begin to look like tinsel hanging off an unshaven chin. O Christmas tree indeed. How crumbs can defy gravity and sit on a cheek for a 30 minute rant about the good old days is a scientific marvel. But they do. Not to mention the process of removing stubborn particles stuck in your teeth. The older I get the harder this task becomes. Because there are more places to hide now. My teeth will eventually look like a picket fence if they keep drifting apart.

So this is part of my aging with style plan. It is so detailed I couldn't possibly publish all of it here. And I seem to have misplaced the rest of it somewhere.

Till Next.......

A $2.00 gas card..The good old days

It occurred to me the other day when I bought a fifty dollar gas and only spent forty eight that I now had a $2.00 gas card. That gives me just enough to drive to the next gas station, pull up a chair and talk about the good old days when I used to have a $2.00 gas card. Maybe I could bring a block of wood and whittle a baby duck. Tell some of the many stories I have of past glory. Start chewing tobacco so I could spit to add false tension at key moments of the tale. Gaze somewhere off in the distance as if looking for a memory that I can't quite grasp. Or.....

Realize that the good old days are all around right now. When I was younger and had no responsibilities other than a job I spent my time going to rock concerts and sporting events. Not a day went by where I didn't get my drunk on. And all that time I thought how great high school had been. The good old days of sneaking around the school. Hanging out with my best friends everyday telling jokes, smoking rope, playing sports and trying to get a date. The minute I graduated, my high school career became the good old days.

Then along came a couple of marriages and two kids. The stories around the bar switched to rock concerts and ball games. The good old days of no one to answer to except the police officer who pulled you over or the bartender asking you if you want another. Overnight benders at the Rolling Stones concert. Three day binge at the Texas Jam in Houston. Being removed from several events for being just a little too vocal teasing the opposing team. All stories re-told with a positive bent to them. Revisionist history is the term. The people who shared some of these times would probably have a much different idea of good old days.

Now the good old days seem to be the everyday battles without terrorists threats back in the 1990's. Tales of the bars I owned and the great people who frequented them. Stories of being and becoming sober. The last moments of addiction when my behavior was so ridiculous that my family and closest friends pretty much stopped talking to me. These were considered good old days because I won. Because I lost. I couldn't beat booze or dope. So to make them the good old days I quit fighting. Now the drunk stories are good old days tales of yore.

It proves where I and most other people have missed the whole point. Would you do what you did in High School now and think it was good? Could you behave now like you did right after college and still hold a job? Have a long term, meaningful type of relationship? Yet we sure look back with fondness on those times don't we? Then we complain about today and tomorrow and how times of changed. No they have not. We have. The good old days of ten years from now are right now. Enjoy them now instead of spending your time thinking how good it used to be. It was never that good back then and it isn't that bad now. Our own nature works against us. We have trouble enjoying the moments as they happen because we move so fast. "What's next?" is our mantra. Mine included.

What if, at the end of each day we sat down and looked back with fondness and happiness of the day that just ended? Or if it was a tough day look back and think of how tomorrow could be better? Can you imagine how great you would feel mentally if everyday you went to bed without having to drag your problems from one day to the next? I can't tell you how much fun it is to have the good old days everyday now. Is my world any different than most? Nope. Just the way I look at it. Even my bad days are good old days. It's all in perception. The good old days were when I started writing this blog. So, smile and enjoy the day. Because tomorrow, today became a good old day.



Till next......