My plan for growing old with style.

During the last two days the number 50 has come up on several occasions. All in reference to my birthday in 2011. So it became rather evident that what I need is a plan to sail into the second half of my life with style. At least not embarrassing ,if not in style.

The first thing to address is the height of pants to chin ratio. The older a man gets, the closer to his chin his pants go. Not all at once but they creep slowly upward. Kind of like a Sans-a-belt snail. To offset this disturbing fashion trend men began carrying loose change. Twenty dollars worth of nickels, dimes and quarters will keep even a gym teachers shorts from riding up. Have you ever been in a hurry at a check out line and had a "seasoned citizen" in front of you tell the clerk, "$18.36 I think I have that" and then proceed to whip out a stack of change that could put a fleet of SUV's through a car wash? I have. And I know why. He is just keeping his pants from creeping up over his head. If it weren't for a pocketful of change he might be talking to you through his zipper.

And I also have a plan for socks and footwear. Just because I have survived half a century doesn't give me the right to wear knee high black socks with shorts. Well I have the right but looking like I escaped from a German Oktoberfest party without the suspenders is not what I'm shooting for. And shorts should not be worn with dress shoes. How men who raised kids and held jobs could leave the house dressed like that is a mystery. I did walk my dog in boxer shorts one day but that was just, well, stupid. And at least I was wearing tennis shoes.

Last but not least is my plan to eat at home a lot. There is some point in a mans life when he can no longer feel his face. Or morsels of food that reside there. Cheese can begin to look like tinsel hanging off an unshaven chin. O Christmas tree indeed. How crumbs can defy gravity and sit on a cheek for a 30 minute rant about the good old days is a scientific marvel. But they do. Not to mention the process of removing stubborn particles stuck in your teeth. The older I get the harder this task becomes. Because there are more places to hide now. My teeth will eventually look like a picket fence if they keep drifting apart.

So this is part of my aging with style plan. It is so detailed I couldn't possibly publish all of it here. And I seem to have misplaced the rest of it somewhere.

Till Next.......