To my sons, when she says no, she really means yes.....

   My oldest son is of dating age and the younger one is right behind so now is the time to clear up one of the oldest misconceptions. I'm sure the two of you have been told many times by many different people that when a girl tells you no, it means no. I hate to confuse you but, just the opposite is true.
   She will look right at you and mumble something like,"No, I don't think so or maybe later or not right now." What she is really saying is, you make the decision for me, you know I want it but it will look so much better if you ask for it. Trust me on this point boys, she will really like when you ask for it. It makes her feel like you know exactly what she wants without having to come out and say it. (Even if you don't)
   Of course you know by now I am talking about ordering dessert on your first date. She is as nervous as you are and would much rather have a fork full of chocolate cake in her mouth so she doesn't have to talk to you. It could be the date is going well and she doesn't want to say something stupid. Or it could be you are boring her toward death by chocolate but, either way she wants the cake. It is your job to step up and order it with a disclaimer like, "I sure would like some cake, you'll have to help me eat it though." Oh, my hero!
   The complete opposite of this scenario is obviously, sex. If she says no, she means no, and you respect that at all times. Do not confuse the two. You will miss out on cake and end up in jail. Other than these 2 very specific examples, there are no rules to what a girl or woman means when she says no. The passive aggressive labyrinth of the female mind is ripe with danger at every turn. Until you figure out that,' no I don't mind if you play golf on our anniversary' means hell yes I mind, you will spend a fair amount of time trying to out where you went wrong. Don't spend too much time, there are no right or wrong answers. I do have advice that may help you get through the learning process.
   First thing you need to do is get a dog. Then, build a dog house that has electricity and air conditioning with cable television. You will be spending a lot of time here so you might as well be comfortable. Personally, I have spent so much time in the doghouse when friends stopped by I wasn't sure if I should shake hands or sniff their ass. But don't worry, you will always get out of the doghouse if you remember the 4 words (Make sure you repeat them in this exact order) You're right, I'm sorry. If you can remember that, you will be fine.

Till next.....

Giving thanks...when you are hurting and...

just don't feel like you can. It's a situation all of us have had at one time or another. 2013 has been a tough year for many of the regular readers here. We have lost quite a few dear friends, many far earlier than anyone would expect and all without an explanation. The pain felt is very real and the grieving process can take months, years or a lifetime. With respect of privacy, I won't list their names because they were not public figures. They were wonderful people who will be greatly missed.
    Famous people who we have come to know so well we felt like they were a part of our lives have died this year as well, leaving even more emptiness. For me, writers like Vince Flynn and Tom Clancy, actors James Gandolfini and Dennis Farina, announcers Pat Summerall and Ken Venturi, rockers Lou Reed and Ray Manzarek  have all been woven into the fabric of my life for many decades. It seems like every week another friend or someone admired is passing away. So how do you give thanks for that?
    Expressing thanks can come in different shapes and sizes. Many use prayer and scripture, others simply say thanks to the people they know and love. They both work for me. But something changed in me several years ago, when I was struggling with grief. I decided that I was going to give thanks a different way.
     We have no idea how long we get to be here so I decided that I wasn't going to waste another minute of it. What better way to give thanks than to use what time has been given to the fullest? Thank you for giving me one more day to be better, nicer, and filled with grace. Thank you for giving me the courage to try something new, even if I fail, and giving me the determination to get back up. Thank you for giving me one more day to help people going through tougher times than me. Thank you for allowing me to be compassionate enough to feel sadness when others are no longer given another day.
     Thoreau had it right when he talked about living a life of quiet desperation. My Thanksgiving day hope for everyone is that we shun the life of quiet desperation. I hope we all grab life like a wet towel, twisting the ends until we start wringing out everything in it. Twisting until the happiness, joy and sense of adventure and purpose pour out of it in front of us. Then when life has nothing more to give, we let the towel fall to the floor, soaking up everything for the next person who dares to pick it up. That is something to be truly thankful for.

Till next........

Have you ever had a thought that was so stupid.....

that you laughed at yourself for days after? I've always had the ability to not take myself seriously but sometimes I surprise even myself. While sitting in a Sunday school class this past weekend I combined ignorance with sarcasm and created a scenario so far from what was actually happening that if I would have spoken my thoughts out loud I would have been tackled by the class who would have tried to cast the demons out of me. They might have sent out a 911 call for an old preist and a young preist.
    A wonderful lady was telling the class about a teenage retreat weekend she had helped organize and attended. She told how some of the speakers were great and in doing so she mentioned the annointing of J-Who. That made me sit up a little straighter in my seat. I'm all for trying to bring younger people into the bible but giving Jesus a hip-hop nickname bordered on sacriligous. My mind raced with where this could go. Would the apostles be called his posse? Marky Mark, Simon P. Diddy, Lil John and Snoop Luke seemed like logical choices to me. How about the King James Hip Hop version of the bible? Would all the great battles be changed to turf wars? Could it be possible that the Sermon on the Mount would be classsified as trash talking? Would the audio version of the Bible be recorded by Don Cornelius? Maybe Barry White could read the Song of Solomon? The possibilities seemed endless.
     Being a man who arrived late to the Christian party as obviously stunted my knowledge of the Bible. I have read the entire thing and should have recognized the name of King Jehu. (pronounced Jay Who)
Kings 1, Kings 2 and Chronicles are three of the books that tell his story yet I completely missed the reference. The man she was talking about wasn't Jesus Christ but King Jehu. Once I realized that she had no desire to scratch the bible backward on a turntable with a loud bass beat in the background I couldn't stop laughing. What a wonderful way of showing me that I need to spend a little more time reading and a lot less time talking. If knowledge is indeed power then I'm the 98 pound weakling getting scriptural sand kicked in my face. If I was on the show "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" and the Bible was one of the catgories I would put my money on the overgrown toddler.
      Some of you are out there reading this and shaking your head. I know you are wondering how I can tie my own shoes in the morning if I'm that stupid. But let me leave you with this thought from the book of Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. That is what is called a "Jesus Juke" for those of you are familiar with Jon Acuff. Maybe when my time comes to stand before God and give my accounting he will look at me ask, "Yo, C dog, was sup?" or maybe not?

Till next.......