Pet Rescue....For Husbands?

It was a normal drive on a lazy Sunday afternoon with Scarlett and my two boys when the subject of the movie The "A Team" came up. My wife became very animated and made the statement that she couldn't believe God could make such a beautiful man as Bradley Cooper. (The Hangover, Wedding Crashers) I'm not the overly jealous type and I know he's on the list. The list is the one that all married people have. You know, if you weren't married and you had the chance for a roll in the hay with this person you'd take it without forethought or regret, list. So I wasn't terribly surprised by her drooling proclamation of her admiration. But throwing God into it was a little unusual. I held my response to see if there was more. There certainly was.


She continued, "There is no way I could be married to someone that good looking. People would see us together and ask what I did to win him." Huh? Say what? It took less than two seconds for the sarcasm to spill forth. "What do they say when the see you with me? Where did you get him? Oh, Pet Rescue for Husbands. Did they tell you if nobody takes him home today he gets a bullet in the head tomorrow? I understand, he is sort of, well, you did a good thing." My kids have since dubbed me Pet Rescue as a result of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure these conversations take place all the time when the girls(or guys) get together for a couple of drinks. But not when your spouse is sitting within arms reach of you. That's just crazy.


Dirty Harry said it best when he declared, "A man's got to know his limitations". Long ago I embraced the large nose and large ears that extended away form my head. Throw in the voice that resembles hail on a tin roof and you've got quite a package. The fact that if I was ever chiseled into Mt. Rushmore most of Minnesota would be in perpetual shade hasn't bothered me much. Throughout my life I have always dated and married women who were better looking and better people than I am.(By dating I mean more than one night with no money changing hands) Given that fact I must have something going for me. Not Bradley Cooper mind you, but some sort of game. It still was a little shocking to hear where you are the totem pole so directly.


After things had calmed down and the requisite apologies were offered and accepted I had to ask the one question that remained, "Did that sound differently in your head before it came out of your mouth?" Scarlett started laughing and almost screamed, "Yes, I don't know what I was thinking." You know what, I have no trouble believing her. She knows her husband has a very good memory and has described my sarcastic wit with the term relentless. If she had thought her comments through she surely would have kept them to herself. Anyone who knows me I certainly have said things better left unsaid. I'm sure that I won't bring it up again. Rigghhhtt.





Till Next....