Go play outside. You're driving me nuts!

Anyone else ever heard that? "But Mom, it's 4 below and my clothes are still wet" was my stock reply. Didn't help. Get outside now! So off we would trudge down the steps and into the snowbanks. Snowball fights and sledding were our way of killing some time and keeping our Mom from killing us. In corporate speak we call that a win win scenario. Remember that this was in the 70's when we were tougher. The elements didn't scare us. Even in elementary school.

But now things are different. The National Football League said the Vikings and Giants can't play in the snow. Growing up the Vikings played every game in the snow. And they didn't lose much. But the players didn't wear pink cleats then either. They were a lot tougher than today.

Earlier this year two quarterbacks actually started crying in front of the whole team. What happened? Loved ones killed in a cabana explosion? Nope. Family dogs were run over by Halle Barry? Nope. Something much more gut wrenching. One quarterback was benched and the other was given the starting job. And they both started crying. It actually went down just like that. What is going on to the real men in this country? I don't want my quarterback calling plays like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentlemen. I want John McClane from Die Hard in the huddle. Instead we are getting Terms of Endearment on the gridiron. Tammy Faye Baker should not be taking snaps for any NFL team. Maybe the Lions but no one else.

So tonight the Vikings and Giants play indoors in Detroit. Nice and warm. Hot Chocolate at halftime anyone? Marshmallows? Maybe we could watch Oprah on the big screen during the game. She could give everyone in the crowd a new car and we could all cry. Or maybe we could chug over to mamby pamby land and get some self confidence? What a bunch of jack wagons.

The only bright side to this is this will be two games in a row at Ford field that the Lions did not lose. I'm so happy I could cry. Tissue? Crybaby!



Till next.......

Sunday musings....God, football, Christmas decorating

Why do all the Mega churches have to use a police car to get out of the parking lot after the service? If you are walking with God, a timely merge into traffic to beat the heathens to IHOP seems a bit out of focus.

If everyone who goes to church does a 10% tithe and then leaves a 20% tip at IHOP, are they saying the waitress is worth twice as much as the church?

Is it really just a coincidence that most services end 30 minutes before the football games kick off? Somewhere a conversation probably sounded like this. "I know you created Heaven and Earth but if we don't move our end time up we are going to lose half the south every Sunday."

We used to string popcorn for tree decorations. Since I quit smoking I cannot be trusted to handle food products. Last night I cooked 12 hot dogs and said I was using them for tree decorations. Nobody bought it.

The evolution of decorations is odd. We started with cheap items that could be made at home and progressed to slick marketing tools for all. Jenna Jameson ornament anyone? Try and make sense out of that one. Agnostic tree ornaments? Yep. Got those out there too. I say we go back to popcorn and cranberries. Not an Orville Redenbacher bulb or a Cranberries CD. Never mind.

At one time I had a Texas Rangers bulb, Detroit Lions bulb and Dallas Mavericks bulb (this is in the 1990's when the Mavs sucked). And I always bought the most beautiful Christmas trees every year. Kind of like Angelina Jolie with that vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around around her neck. Absolutely beautiful until you see what hanging off it. Then it's just creepy.


A bad quarterback and a great preacher are the only people I know who can make 50,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ" at the same time.

If God didn't want us to watch football why did he invent big screen TVs? The game would be much less exciting if we had to wait for those monks to scribe the score and get it out to us.

Smile on this beautiful day the Lord had made, you could be a Lions fan....

Till next.........