With only eight days left to vote the ads on radio, television and mail are almost overwhelming. The problem is who do you vote for if they all suck this badly? After watching some of the ads I am convinced that my choices are direct followers of Satan or worse. And it doesn't matter if they are Republican or Democrat. I am beginning to wonder if any of these candidates have a mother and father. How could anyone love people this horrible except their own family. And that might be questionable with some of these folks. "He thinks his wife should submit to me" "He paid for Viagra for rapists" "She wants school children to go without food" "He once clubbed a baby seal to death with a rolled up eviction notice of a family living on food stamps in a cardboard box"...Okay, I made that last one up but the other ones are actual ads running.
The way I choose to look at this is pretty much common sense. Will all this keep me from voting? No. Because if you don't vote you can't bitch and then I am almost out of material for next year so with that in mind here are my simple rules for selecting who gets my vote:
1. Are they currently under federal investigation or indictment? If the answer is no proceed to next question. If answer is yes and you have considered voting for this person go home and lock the door until the election is over. And please drive slow.
2. Do they vote the same way they talk on the campaign trail? If they adopt certain accents or dialects one stop to the next they do not get my vote. It is a sign of someones character when they sound like a Run DMC castoff at one dinner and Clint Black the next. Listen and hold them to what they say. If they vote otherwise they only get my vote once.
3. Do they share my core values as an American? I don't need 100% agreement on every issue but I do need to know that you don't think the founding fathers are those scary Asian dudes from Lethal Weapon 4.
Using this simple voters guide will help you keep your sanity and participate in the most important process we have. I know it is cliche but people have fought and died for your right to vote. Please don't let that be in vein.
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