The art of being interviewed....

"What are thoughts about an outline?" "My hope is not to have one drawn around me in chalk anytime soon."  I answered. It was not the answer the person conducting the interview was expecting judging by sound of laughter. This happened today during a phone interview for a local newspaper about my novel, The Melting Man and the upcoming second book. There were a few questions and answers that won't make the print edition but I thought they were at least worthy of a post. Here are some of the more sarcastic and flippant responses.

  "Where does your thought process begin for writing a story?" "Most of it comes from the twisted part of my brain, some from my heart and just a little from my groin." This one was followed by an uncomfortable silence while he was trying to figure out if I was serious. He caught on pretty quick that I wasn't it.

  "You said earlier that many of the characters were somewhat biographical. Was it hard for you to talk about yourself?" I answered cheerfully, "I hope not or this whole interview is going to be kind of one-sided."

  "Good point, did you have a drinking problem like Matt Maki?" Hmm..."No. Matt Maki had a drinking problem like me when I was 18 years old. I took mine to a level far beyond anything Matt ever achieved."

  "Oh. Is it hard to write about something so personal?" A long pause followed by,"Enough time has gone by that I can look back it without too much pain. Do you know what I mean?" He surprised me and answered my rhetorical question,"I've had tough times in my life that seem funny now." I couldn't resist, "High School Prom? Gym class? First time at a strip club?" He chuckled and said, "Most of those and a couple you missed." We both laughed and I was very thankful he had a sense of humor. Up until that point, who knew?

  

  It is obvious that at some point I'm going to need a Kevin Costner/Crash Davis type of mentor to throw my fungus covered shower shoes at me and then give me guidance and wisdom on how to deal with fame. (It's from the movie Bull Durham, if you haven't seen it, you should) I'm not suggesting that I will ever be famous, but the odds may be dropping with every interview. I have another one scheduled for the end of the week. My plan is to watch 60 Minutes re-runs with Mike Wallace and all the episodes of the Oprah show I can find on You Tube. That should be enough to prepare me for anything, past, present or future.

  The last question he asked required my best answer. "Do you see yourself being a full time author one day?" Wait for it, wait for it, timing is everything, "How in the hell am I going to be a full time author if I only do it one day?" I asked him. He figured out that question was rhetorical.

Till next......