The best reality show ever begins.....

  It only happens once a year and it is totally unscripted. Of course I am speaking of the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. You will not hear me call it March Madness. That is the term that should be reserved for the number of snowstorms that roll through my hometown of Painesdale, Michigan every year. The rest of the country looks forward to spring while the snow just keeps on coming. Now that is madness.
  I won't refer to "The Big Dance" either. When I was growing up the big dance was the Homecoming dance. It also happened once a year and like the tournament, it was filled with pressure. With my long hair, big nose, bigger ears and questionable fashion choices, I was rejection looking for a place to sit. As a teenager, the pressure you are under when you approach a girl to dance is equal to any jump shot a basketball player might take. Much like the tournament, there is only one winner and I wasn't it. At least there was only four of these torture chambers before I graduated. Oh, did I mention the fact I can't dance? The best description of my dancing would be a cross between seizures and The Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz. Not smooth at all.
  The tournament doesn't need all the over-used nicknames. It is the greatest reality show going and has been since 1979 when Larry Bird and Magic Johnson faced each other and the most of the nation became interested. For three weeks the ultimate drama unfolds in real time, win and you play again, lose and you go home. There are no scripts, no pre-determined outcomes and guarantees. Many of the stars of the show only play for a year or two yet the plot goes on. Small schools most people have never heard of have a chance to perform in front of millions of people for the first and maybe only time in their lives. Bigger schools are more accustomed to the bright lights but aren't assured anything but the chance to advance. The players mostly play for the love of the game or the school. In reality, it doesn't get any better.
   Shows like The Voice, American Idol, Biggest Loser and Survivor garner huge ratings every year. But are they truly reality shows? I don't think so. Perhaps the bigger question is why do we love these types of shows so much? With the tournament, the answers are easy. You have the brackets, office pools and wagering for starters. For the more serious fans, you have a four day weekend starting tomorrow with a pizza delivery man on speed dial and a full refrigerator with adult beverages ready to go. Or for the real die-hards, you head to the post office and fill out the form to have your mail forwarded to your favorite sports bar for the next three weeks and head to the bar. (Thanks to those of you who did this, you know who you are.) Even for the person who could care less there are benefits. That sports nerd who won't shut up is so engrossed in his brackets that he leaves you alone for the better part of a month. Everybody wins.
   My best guess on why we love reality shows so much is the thrill of vicariously living through other people. We love to see the underdog win against the odds because we can imagine ourselves doing it. Or watching someone conquer the demons within them because we all have them and want to beat them as well. Sometimes we love reality because it makes us feel better about ourselves. C'mon now, who hasn't watched a Real Housewives of wherever or Honey Boo Boo and said, "At least I'm not that much of a train wreck." Have you ever wondered if you should audition for Hoarders? Do you sing in the shower and think The Voice is next on your list? If you really love the reality shows, then pull up a chair and call in sick for work. The greatest show ever produced starts tomorrow and you don't want to miss the first episode.....

Till next.....  

Charles Karult got nothing on me.....

For those old enough to remember his "On the Road" series for CBS he used to drive across the country and report on moose in Montana or rats in Rhode Island or whatever. The last 8 days I have logged almost 5 thousand miles on the highways of our great land and have a few observations that I would like to share with you. In no particular order.

First thing I noticed is Abe Lincoln must have been one heck of a guy.Most every state I drove through tried to lay claim to him. Kentucky proudly announced he was born there. (Always nice to know where the presidents were born) Illinois is the "Land of Lincoln" just like the license plates say. Kentucky didn't say, "we suck so bad he left" so they must not be too proud of it. Because I can tell you what Kentucky is proud of. Whiskey. And a lot of it. They have a "whiskey trail" that you can go through several distilleries and see how it is made. And sample. It is a winding, no, staggering trail right through the middle of the state.

When we drove into Wisconsin it took a while to see what they hung their hat on. And then I saw it. "Wisconsin arrests drunk drivers". Boy, I bet the Chamber of Commerce is still pissed off about that one. Beats "Home of Jeffrey Dahmer" I suppose. Maybe they should go with a beer trail like Kentucky. Both states seem like they would be entertaining with a pretty good buzz on. What if the whiskey and beer trail could meet somewhere? Now that would be cool.

Which brings us to Indiana. Right in between the two states. And the state we spent the most time driving through. Shovel ready projects do exist. This is where the stimulus money should have been spent. The highways of the Hoosier state have more holes in them than a Tiger Woods alibi. It seemed to be the flattest state by far of the 6 we went in and out of so fixing a pothole shouldn't be that hard. Hoosier highway commissioner? Things are pretty bad when you look toward Kentucky with envy. For a state that bills itself as the "Crossroads of America" they might think of improving the condition of the roads. At least Kentucky will get you drunk so you don't notice. And in Wisconsin you will be driving so slow avoiding the speed traps you won't be worried about potholes. The people were very nice though. Polite and helpful.

Which leads me over to Michigan. I did get lost going to my childhood home for the third time in a row. Different route each time. Different time of day each time. Different wife laughing her ass off each time. But once I found my way home I realized how little the people I grew up with had changed. And I mean that in a good way. The area hadn't exactly turned into a scene from Blade Runner either. It was harder to keep up with the places that went out of business compared to the new ones that started up. A few of the roads had changed but I got lost on the old ones so I didn't mind. Oddly enough, I couldn't find anything about Lincoln in the state.

My apologies to the late Charles Karult. His segments were better than mine. But in my defense I didn't have a secret second life with an extra woman and a couple of kids that no one knew about. If you can pull that off then a 4 minute segment on the wombats of Walla Walla Washington is child's play. Try keeping two families happy and in the dark at the same time. Any man who can do that has skills I haven't even imagined. I bet he kept a full tank of gas in that RV at all times. Just in case he had to get "On the road" in a big hurry.

Till next........