It took a long time but I'm finally tired of humping.....

  Maybe it took turning 50 for the change to occur. Or perhaps nothing more than a general lack of energy was the cause. Something that I used to look forward to many times over the average day is now something that I feel I have to do. What was once savored as a reward or special celebration is now more of a duty, to be completed without any emotional involvement at all if possible. When it's over a sense of sadness fills my soul wondering where the passion has gone.
    It used to be that my heart would quicken, skin would flush and I would become almost dizzy when it started. My only sadness then was when it was over (far too soon) was that I'd have to wait to do it again. At least twenty or thirty minutes but closer to two or three hours these days before I could have another round of humping. What was once a goal or destination is now a routine. The time for humping has been slowing for a while now and I think I can say it's done for good.
    Once the horrible decision had been made to start smoking cigarettes the only brand I've smoked has been Camel filters. Therefore when it was time to have a smoke I always said it was time to do some Camel humping. (I have the ability to be crude at most times) But after smoking for 6 or 7 years the time has come to quit. This time it has been easier than before for the reasons I described above. There is no pleasure left, only the cough and the smell. The thought of putting on a few pounds is a trade I'm now ready to accept. Husky has a nice ring to it, big boned kind of rolls off the tongue. So it's back to the expandable waistband pants and large floral prints shirts and that's fine by me.

     Sometimes quitting is the only way you win. My battle with alcohol was a losing one until I decided to give it all up. Once I gave my will away I got out of the way. This concept is counter intuitive to all of us but especially the very competitive amongst us. So if you find yourself struggling with any addiction, try not using your will power to quit. Try and admit to yourself that you just can't beat it by yourself and ask for help. Who you ask is entirely up to you, I chose God but that took years to get to. At first I asked for the people around me, known has "The group" but that changed to God later on. It's okay to quit if the price of winning is going to the hospital or the morgue.
     One more addiction to throw on the trash heap. I am running out of things to give up.

Till next......