That looks like it hurts really bad....

   Mastering a grasp of the obvious is what a fellow bike rider was doing when he passed me after a very nasty wreck which left no skin on my left side from the shoulder to the butt cheek. The muscle on my shoulder was clearly visible so I'm pretty sure it hurt really bad. This happened 28 miles into a 100 mile race which proved to be even more agonizing because the same wreck bent my front tire allowing me to reach top speeds of ten miles per hour going downhill. For the record, I got a new tire at the 65 mile mark and completed the race. I can't even describe the pain because my brain mostly shut down until the following day. My purpose in telling this is not to elevate me to Chuck Norris like status (Chuck would have tilted the Earth so the rest of the ride was downhill) but establish my credentials as someone who has a very high pain threshold. Of the four bones I have broken over the years I declined surgery to repair them every time. I chose pain over a long recovery because I don't like hospitals or doctors very much.
    Today was a change in philosophy concerning physical pain. Several years ago it appears I dislocated my right shoulder. I don't remember doing it but the evidence is clear I did. Now that the pain has traveled down my right arm all the way to the wrist so I made an appointment to get it looked at. The pain has become too much and I am a fool for ignoring it for so long. Which brings me to the reason of today's blog: Holding on to pain is not what we are designed or destined to do. It doesn't matter if you believe in evolution or God, the result is the same. Pain is a symptom that something is wrong. As men we are taught to ignore pain if at all possible. Sadly I've told my kids, "Shake it off, Walk it off, It's over so get over it". Not the best parenting I've ever done. Physical pain is easier to deal with because the cause is usually defined, mental pain is the one that I'm writing about and how we can become so screwed up in how we deal with it.
    Loss of a loved one, being abused, divorce, childhood trauma, comments made from parents and peers and bullying are all things that can leave severe emotional pain and scars. The most healthy thing to do is talk to someone about it, get sad and cry about it, vent your anger about it and then forgive whoever and move on. But is that what we do? Not usually, instead we bury it deep into the brain. Or we rationalize it away as not that big a deal. People who are stuck in abusive relationships actually convince themselves they deserve it or they caused it. Bullshit! Nobody deserves to be abused either physically, verbally or emotionally. Or we seek out shows or people that are much worse than we are and think, "At least I'm not that bad". We watch our Hoarders, Biggest Loser and Real Housewives shows and forget about the pain because in comparison it doesn't hurt that much. It would be great if it helped but it doesn't. Action is the only thing that does.
    So how do you get rid of pain? Get rid of whatever is causing it. Either fix what is broken or remove it completely. Physical pain is straightforward, if a rock is in your shoe you take off your shoe and throw the rock away. But if your in an abusive relationship and that rock has been there for years it isn't that easy. The end result may be the same though. If it can't be fixed it has to be removed. Deep emotional wounds stretching back years can be crippling if we use them as a crutch. The pain becomes almost like an old friend who we can depend on. The good news is it ain't no friend and it's got to go. Brutal self honesty is the start of getting rid of what holds you back. You can pay someone who doesn't know you to ask you the same questions you can ask yourself. What is the source of your pain? Did I cause this to happen? If the answer is yes, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and you are not immune or perfect. If the answer is no, tell yourself that and remind yourself you didn't deserve what happened. And then forgive whoever it was that hurt you. I didn't say to hang around them or even have contact with them. If you don't forgive them you will never forgive yourself. And you don't deserve to live in pain. None of us do nor should we.
     I am not a doctor or therapist. I hold no degrees. What I do have is a lot of real experience. Take my advice or don't but please don't just ignore the pain. There is only one Chuck Norris.

Till next.....