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Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Man Cave Musings: The keys to a happy marriage....advice to my sons....

Man Cave Musings: The keys to a happy marriage....advice to my sons....:    I know what everyone who knows me is thinking right now. Why in the name of all that is good and holy is he giving advice about marriage....

The keys to a happy marriage....advice to my sons.....

   I know what everyone who knows me is thinking right now. Why in the name of all that is good and holy is he giving advice about marriage. He's got rice burns he's been married so many times. True, there are plow horses that have been hitched less than me but experience is a very good teacher if the pupil is willing to learn. How many other people can say they have been happily married three times. That pool is a whole lot less crowded. Sure at the end of the first two there was some tension and conflict but we came out of it as not only friends, but good friends. Most of the time we were married there was very little drama or anything resembling anger. My exes know I would do anything I could to help them if they needed it. So maybe I do know something.
   So pay attention boys and I will give you the five keys to a happy marriage. Take notes if needed.

  1. Her opinion is the most important one in your life from the moment you say I do. It is more important than your friends, sibling, mother and yes, even your father. (maybe especially your father) It doesn't mean you will agree with everything. You won't. Your wife is obviously smart or she wouldn't have married you so treat her thoughts with the respect they deserve. Don't worry about the occasional disagreement. It is healthy long term to clear things out that no longer need to be there. Kind of like a forest fire or a bad case of stomach flu. 
  2. Love her with out conditions. Trying to change someone you love and married is like rowing a boat with one oar. You are going to get really tired, frustrated and wind up right back where you started. Not to mention you will be using one arm for quite a while if you persist. She is probably not perfect, remember she married you so she doesn't demand perfection. Neither should you.
  3. The most important parts of your body to her are your heart,your hands, your ears and shoulder. She just wants to be in your heart. She wants you to listen and actually hear her problems and wants a shoulder to lean on when she needs help. Don't believe the porn you see on the internet or the crap on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. She will be much more impressed if you know if you know 15 ways to fix the dryer than if you 15 positions of the Kama Sutra.
  4. Laughter is the best medicine. Marriage can sometimes be hard work so a little laughter goes a long way. Try to make her laugh and not make her cry. This will become somewhat tricky at times. I guarantee you there will be at least one time where you will find your wife crying and when you rush over to find out what is wrong you will here, "I love you so much". When this happens try VERY hard not to laugh. I know this will make no sense to you. It didn't to me either but do not laugh. She is very liable to change her opinion of you right then and there. Give her a hug and hide your face in her shoulder if you have to. Then if you start laughing it will seem like you are sobbing uncontrollably. That works to your benefit.
  5. Never forget you have entered into a partnership. Be man enough to ask for help if you need it. Don't try to solve every problem by yourself. Yours or hers. Sometimes she will share a problem she is having and you will immediately offer several solutions. Do not do this. It is a trap. Much like the crying tears of joy thing mentioned earlier it may not make sense but she doesn't want you to fix anything. She just wants you to listen. Sometimes she wants solutions. I've got nothing for you on this one boys. I still haven't completely figured this one out yet. If you do please give me a call. Be honest. Again, a little tricky. Does this make me look fat is not a time for honesty. Do you love me? Honesty. How about we go to a festival this weekend? Tricky. Are you okay with staying home tonight instead of going out? Honesty. Do you think she looks good dressed like that? Tricky....You get the idea.
     My failure in every one of the areas will allow you the luxury of not repeating them. I still screw up some of them but I recover much quicker. While I am nowhere near a perfect husband I like to think I am not a horrible one either. In short boys if you want to be treated like a king treat her like a queen and you will be. Four words sum it up best: Don't be an asshole. When you do get married be forewarned that if you complain to me that your wife is acting like a bitch I might explain to you that is what happens when they marry an asshole.

Till next.......

Monday, September 5, 2016

Discernment at odds with trust....

      Hopefully most of us are lucky enough to have an over-riding sense or feeling that things will generally work out for the best. Despite all the current challenges we currently face either as a country or individually we have confidence that it is going to be okay. It is that belief that allows many of us to sleep (not well, but sleep nonetheless). But we also have been gifted with discernment. The ability to think and to evaluate who and what we should trust is what keeps us from being harmed, hurt or taken advantage of. So the question becomes where does one end and the other begin.      So who or what to trust? Anyone over 50 years old or anyone who has spent a night drinking and then hit the late night drive thru window knows you don't trust a fart. Gamblers know you never play poker with anyone named Ace or Slim. Women know you never trust a man who says I'll call you tomorrow. Never trust a used car salesman who wears a suit more expensive the the car he tries to sell you. These are tried and true axioms. In God we trust. That works for me and the money we print. I trust my wife, kids, family and friends love me. Those are easy ones more for me. But then what?
    The problem we are encountering on a daily basis now is the institutions we used to, and need to hold trust in has crumbled. The trust of our police force is a critical part of what makes us a civil society. That trust is under attack. Are there bad and racist cops? Of course there are. There are good and bad everything no matter what profession you choose. Are most cops blatant racists? I don't think so and I trust they are not. If the people protecting us from the criminals are not trusted than who do we turn to? The F.B.I.? Does anyone trust them to treat all citizens fairly given recent events? I doubt it very highly. Do you trust the I.R.S. will give you the same treatment as public officials? Recent developments would indicate that is not the case. So who is left to trust if not law enforcement?
   How about the people we elect to pass laws? If you are willing to trust them my hat is off to you. Especially the two candidates for president this year. Hey,you want to vote for Hillary because she is not Trump, I get it. But you know she would rather climb a tree and lie to you instead of stand on the ground and tell you truth. Voting for Trump because you can't stand Hillary lying and her corruption, I get it. But you know he will lie at the drop of a toupee to get what he wants. So at least we can trust the media to keep them honest, right? If you truly believe that any network media will give you a honest and unbiased opinion please seek immediate medical attention. A four hour boner is much less dangerous than you being on the streets. Every single network has been caught editing, deleting, fabricating and out right lying to you. They are not the ones to trust.
    Perhaps our financial institutions? I just finished watching The Big Short and I read the book by Michael Lewis. You can cross banks and Wall Street off the list. What was hoisted on the American people was downright scary and criminal. Yet only one person ever went to jail. You can include some government agencies in there as well. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac executives should have been starring in Orange is the new Black years ago. Sounds pretty bleak so far doesn't it? Well there is something we can put our trust in and not violate our gift of discernment.
     Rebuilding trust in all these groups can only happen from the ground up. We need to start by trusting one another. My circle of friends and acquaintances on all the social media platforms I engage come from many different backgrounds and political viewpoints. Do I think any of them want less for their children or mine? Of course not. Just because we have a different way of looking at things doesn't mean one of us is evil and the other is an angel. Most of my friends would be considered liberal or libertarians. I am more conservative politically. Does that make me smarter or them smarter? Probably not. Does is it mean that one of us is a greedy bastard and the other wants to turn us into a communist nation? Of course not. But that is what you are being told. Every time you listen to a newscast someone is trying to pit one side against the other. Don't buy it.
    Do all my white friends wear sheets with holes cut in them at night and secretly burn crosses in the backyard? Do all my black friends spend their free time robbing and stealing? Maybe all my Mexican friends are too busy selling drugs and raping people to show up for work? If you watch the networks or listen to the politicians this is what you will see here. They push the agenda because they want nothing more than your vote to stay in power. I choose not to play the game. It doesn't matter to me if you are black, brown, red or white as long as you treat me and my family with respect. Who you vote for does not influence how I think of you. If you are my friend, you are my friend period and end of story. I will put my trust in you and not think twice. The thing is I really believe that if we just deal with each other without the outside noise we would be much better off.
    Once we trust one another we can begin to rebuild trust in the institutions that we must have trust in. We must have trust in our law enforcement, government, banks, schools and eventually even the media. The fragile construct that is our constitution does require a fair amount of faith that we as citizens will do the right thing. Without trust all the discernment in the world will not improve our country or our lives in general. Of course I could be wrong. I guess that depends on if you trust me when you read this or if you discern that I am full of crap.

Till next..........