I know you think he was great during the courtship phase of your relationship. He said all the right things, told funny jokes, paid attention to your family and friends and always seemed deeply concerned about your feelings. Then when he won your heart the phone calls stopped coming. The goodies you were promised never did arrive. He seemed aloof and distant. He certainly didn't care about your feelings the way he used.
We all have the same reaction when a relationship is going badly. First we question if it was ever real in the first place. Then we wonder what we did to sabotage or destroy it. Then we get angry. And I mean really pissed off. Because we feel lied to and cheated on. We know the attention and love we used to get is going to someone else. The fact of the matter is that he really was never that into.
Not your boyfriend or girlfriend, your elected representatives. And not just in Wisconsin and Indiana where they are playing hide and seek with their own jobs. But all over this great nation the liberals, who will soon be faced with voting for you the American people, or the people who scrape the dues from the paychecks of hard working civil servants, only to donate to corrupt politicians who vote for bigger pay packages that eventually bankrupt you and the country. And they will not choose you. They really weren't that into you to begin with.
For those independents and moderates you can add the President to the list. He sounded good two and a half years ago and then he changed. You said you didn't want health care or more government spending. He didn't care. He still doesn't. All you were was the equivalent of a late night booty call by someone who forgot your name by the morning. Don't be too sad. We've all been used at one time or another. It just hurts more when you have to see them everyday.
So grab a pint of ice cream and a box of tissues. The hurt will go away right around November 2012. Till then just try not too take it personal. They just were never really into us.
Till next.....
Looking at life through the odd mix of optimism, sarcasm, love and humor and not always in that order.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Shinedown had it right. What a shame......
Charlie Sheen is not drawing a lot of sympathy right now. He is really going to need it later on. That is if he decides to give being sober a shot. If he doesn't he has two options remaining, insanity or early death. You can write it down and remind me later. It is one of the three.
The lyrics from the song say, "What a shame what a shame to judge a life that you can't change." And it's 100% correct. Only Charlie has a chance to change. But the people who say that he is a spoiled brat with no willpower really don't understand how sick he is. Drunks don't lack willpower. I am one so I should know. How many people who say that could drink all night and then mix a screwdriver the first thing in the morning and drink it through a straw because their hands are shaking too much to hold it? Not a damn one of them. Is that a lack of willpower? No. A lack of judgement for sure, but that takes some stones.
What Charlie hasn't figured out yet is the group with the initials he ranted about has saved millions of people just like him. Just because he is on a yacht and someone else is under a bridge is just a matter of location. They will both end up in the same place if they don't get help. With all the people willing to suck up to Charlie and cover for him it might take longer. It might not. If anyone is old enough to remember Jim Morrison or John Belushi they know.
I am not suggesting that he be held up as some type of martyr either. He will have to answer for his own actions one day. I actually saw some people say they "liked" him. I wonder if that was when he was choking the mother of his children. Or when he beat up the hooker and locked her in a closet? How do you like someone who does that? Or when all his co-workers lost their jobs because he couldn't do his? There sure is a lot to "like" about a man like that.
Judging him is not my intent. Some of the stunts I pulled when I was drinking are still a source of anguish to me twenty five years later. I've tried to make amends where possible but you still never forget what you were like. And it serves as a damn good reminder of why you never want to go back. So hard as it may be, if you're Christian, say a prayer for Charlie. If not hope he gets some help. Because without he adds to the list of promising young people who never did figure out that one day at a time thing really does work. If you work it.
Till next.......
The lyrics from the song say, "What a shame what a shame to judge a life that you can't change." And it's 100% correct. Only Charlie has a chance to change. But the people who say that he is a spoiled brat with no willpower really don't understand how sick he is. Drunks don't lack willpower. I am one so I should know. How many people who say that could drink all night and then mix a screwdriver the first thing in the morning and drink it through a straw because their hands are shaking too much to hold it? Not a damn one of them. Is that a lack of willpower? No. A lack of judgement for sure, but that takes some stones.
What Charlie hasn't figured out yet is the group with the initials he ranted about has saved millions of people just like him. Just because he is on a yacht and someone else is under a bridge is just a matter of location. They will both end up in the same place if they don't get help. With all the people willing to suck up to Charlie and cover for him it might take longer. It might not. If anyone is old enough to remember Jim Morrison or John Belushi they know.
I am not suggesting that he be held up as some type of martyr either. He will have to answer for his own actions one day. I actually saw some people say they "liked" him. I wonder if that was when he was choking the mother of his children. Or when he beat up the hooker and locked her in a closet? How do you like someone who does that? Or when all his co-workers lost their jobs because he couldn't do his? There sure is a lot to "like" about a man like that.
Judging him is not my intent. Some of the stunts I pulled when I was drinking are still a source of anguish to me twenty five years later. I've tried to make amends where possible but you still never forget what you were like. And it serves as a damn good reminder of why you never want to go back. So hard as it may be, if you're Christian, say a prayer for Charlie. If not hope he gets some help. Because without he adds to the list of promising young people who never did figure out that one day at a time thing really does work. If you work it.
Till next.......
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Go ahead......We can take it.
Interesting how the weasels in Congress have so much faith in us before the elections and so little afterward. Everyone except the very far left will admit that our country is broke. And with interest, getting broker by the minute. Yet here comes our budget from the White House this week and surprise, surprise, we are going to spend more money than we have and taxes are going up. Despite the words coming out of the President's mouth the numbers don't lie.
So here's the big question, why don't they think we can handle the truth? Is it focus groups that tell them that Americans will never stand to reform Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security? Is it the demonstrations in Wisconsin because the Governor wants to actually, gasp, require teachers to pay for 12% of the health care they get? Or is it the polls that show 62% of Americans favor cutting entitlements just not theirs? Could be anyone of the above. Except the problem is all of them are wrong. We can take tightening our belt to help fix the mess we're in.
What rational thinking American, who didn't already depend on Social Security, would not want to hear some sort of common sense solutions to the financial problems we face? We all know that what we have is going to crumble. The exact timing of the meltdown seems to vary between which party is in power and which party needs the senior vote more. All we keep hearing is that these are the third rail of politics. I think the Tea Party candidates that were elected proved that the country can take the truth. As a matter of fact, we really want to hear it.
You can defense spending to the list. Most of conservatives will admit as well that our defense budget has to be cut. And maybe we can even talk about the fraud and corruption. On September 10, 2001 Don Rumsfeld said the pentagon was missing 250 million dollars. Missing. And he said that was just the start of his findings. Then the next day happened and all was forgotten. All of these need to be cut and or changed to make sure they will exist at all in the future. So why won't a politician from any party start talking about it earnestly?
The answer is a simple one. Fear. They want to keep the power they have. And they know whoever speaks first on these issues will be vilified by the other party and the press and who knows who else. But things have changed. They are wrong about what the people will do. The people would re-elect any politician who would honestly try to cut spending and balance our budget. Without it we are doomed. We have 14 trillion dollars we owe and were just told we need to spend more on new energy and a high speed train. Are you kidding me? How stupid do they think we are? We have to pay bills. We don't buy new train sets for the kids in we can't pay the rent. Our Treasury Secretary told Congress the budget he submitted was unsustainable. Then why submit it? Go back and fix it like you did your tax returns.
So come on Washington, we're all adults here. Talk to us and somebody starting leading. We will follow if you show us how. You were elected to lead so quit whining and do your job. We can take it.
Till next......
So here's the big question, why don't they think we can handle the truth? Is it focus groups that tell them that Americans will never stand to reform Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security? Is it the demonstrations in Wisconsin because the Governor wants to actually, gasp, require teachers to pay for 12% of the health care they get? Or is it the polls that show 62% of Americans favor cutting entitlements just not theirs? Could be anyone of the above. Except the problem is all of them are wrong. We can take tightening our belt to help fix the mess we're in.
What rational thinking American, who didn't already depend on Social Security, would not want to hear some sort of common sense solutions to the financial problems we face? We all know that what we have is going to crumble. The exact timing of the meltdown seems to vary between which party is in power and which party needs the senior vote more. All we keep hearing is that these are the third rail of politics. I think the Tea Party candidates that were elected proved that the country can take the truth. As a matter of fact, we really want to hear it.
You can defense spending to the list. Most of conservatives will admit as well that our defense budget has to be cut. And maybe we can even talk about the fraud and corruption. On September 10, 2001 Don Rumsfeld said the pentagon was missing 250 million dollars. Missing. And he said that was just the start of his findings. Then the next day happened and all was forgotten. All of these need to be cut and or changed to make sure they will exist at all in the future. So why won't a politician from any party start talking about it earnestly?
The answer is a simple one. Fear. They want to keep the power they have. And they know whoever speaks first on these issues will be vilified by the other party and the press and who knows who else. But things have changed. They are wrong about what the people will do. The people would re-elect any politician who would honestly try to cut spending and balance our budget. Without it we are doomed. We have 14 trillion dollars we owe and were just told we need to spend more on new energy and a high speed train. Are you kidding me? How stupid do they think we are? We have to pay bills. We don't buy new train sets for the kids in we can't pay the rent. Our Treasury Secretary told Congress the budget he submitted was unsustainable. Then why submit it? Go back and fix it like you did your tax returns.
So come on Washington, we're all adults here. Talk to us and somebody starting leading. We will follow if you show us how. You were elected to lead so quit whining and do your job. We can take it.
Till next......
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
10 signs you're at a great Super Bowl Party (Man Cave style)
10. At least one fan shows up in a complete uniform including cleats and a converted beer helmet.
9. There are three kegs of beer. Bud, Bud light and something imported.
8. The carcass of the cow that was carved up for pre-game steaks is still in the backyard.
7. Someone shows up wearing paint on their face.
6. The only sound during the game is either cheering or cursing. Commercials are fast forwarded through after beers have been refilled.
5. The only woman there is an ex Dallas Cowboys cheerleader turned stripper named Bambi.
4. There is a slight delay to watch the start of the 3rd quarter while the stripper pole is removed from the living room.
3. During a commercial break a fan is injured while trying to replicate a pole dance like Bamabi. The upside down one-legged slide proves too difficult for his 300 pound frame.
2. The only reference to "sex in the city" is a tale of a drunken night in Jaurez Mexico. A donkey maybe included in the story.
1. The game goes into triple overtime and is won on a statue of liberty play that goes 96 yards.
Just remember men, this is not the end of an era, it's the begining of baseball season. Pitchers and catchers report tomorrow. Play Ball.....
Till Next.....
9. There are three kegs of beer. Bud, Bud light and something imported.
8. The carcass of the cow that was carved up for pre-game steaks is still in the backyard.
7. Someone shows up wearing paint on their face.
6. The only sound during the game is either cheering or cursing. Commercials are fast forwarded through after beers have been refilled.
5. The only woman there is an ex Dallas Cowboys cheerleader turned stripper named Bambi.
4. There is a slight delay to watch the start of the 3rd quarter while the stripper pole is removed from the living room.
3. During a commercial break a fan is injured while trying to replicate a pole dance like Bamabi. The upside down one-legged slide proves too difficult for his 300 pound frame.
2. The only reference to "sex in the city" is a tale of a drunken night in Jaurez Mexico. A donkey maybe included in the story.
1. The game goes into triple overtime and is won on a statue of liberty play that goes 96 yards.
Just remember men, this is not the end of an era, it's the begining of baseball season. Pitchers and catchers report tomorrow. Play Ball.....
Till Next.....
How to tell your at a bad superbowl party (Girl point of view)
10. People are wearing Team Jerseys, Team Pants, Team Jackets, and there are Team Beer Coozies around the beer.
9. There is actually a keg.
8. There is a woman who acts way too interested in the game, knows all football lingo, she is pretty, thin, single and all the men think she is funny.
7. Someone shows up wearing paint on their face.
6. They talk during the commercials and not during the game.
5. Your husband 'shushes' you when you say, "Which team is in the yellow pants?"
4. The half time show is a classic rock band. WHO you could have sworn were dead.
3. My husband is laughing at everything the girl from number 8 says.
2. Number 8 is laughing at everything my husband says.
1. The game goes into overtime. This is the turning point of my good humor.
May we all revel in the next 5 football free months! Sex and the City anyone?
9. There is actually a keg.
8. There is a woman who acts way too interested in the game, knows all football lingo, she is pretty, thin, single and all the men think she is funny.
7. Someone shows up wearing paint on their face.
6. They talk during the commercials and not during the game.
5. Your husband 'shushes' you when you say, "Which team is in the yellow pants?"
4. The half time show is a classic rock band. WHO you could have sworn were dead.
3. My husband is laughing at everything the girl from number 8 says.
2. Number 8 is laughing at everything my husband says.
1. The game goes into overtime. This is the turning point of my good humor.
May we all revel in the next 5 football free months! Sex and the City anyone?
Monday, February 7, 2011
Eight is enough......
In January of 2003 I took a job managing a very upscale Mexican restaurant. The dress code called for black dress slacks and having owned and tended bar in nothing but blue jeans for twenty years it was time to go shopping. Being the type of man I am I headed straight to the finest tailor to get a pair of custom fitted pants. Unfortunately they were closed because it was two o'clock in the morning so off to Wal-mart I went.
The selection was amazing. They had two different types of dress pants.One of them was obviously aiming for the bourgeois crowd because they wanted $19 for a pair of pants. I could get two cups of coffee at Starbucks for that. The other pair was perfect for an old clothes horse like me. Nine dollars American money. Now I know what you're thinking, "Why doesn't he just wait till tomorrow and get a cheap pair of pants?" Because that's not how I roll. Money is no object when it comes to fashion. Sure I would have to cut out a round of golf to pay for them but that is the price you pay to look the way I do.
I reported for work two days later sporting my new trousers. I'm pretty sure the place came to a dead stop when I walked in. Heads turned and everyone gave me the up and down glance. I am confident that what I saw was envy in the eyes of every man and lust in the eyes of every woman. Much like trying not to look at brilliant sunset too directly they turned away but I saw the looks anyway. When you care enough to spend almost ten dollars on a pair of pants people take notice. And it is a sight not soon forgotten. Kind of like the time you accidentally see your Grandmother naked. It leaves an impression that is not easily erased.
Fast forward to today. After my 5th diet coke of the morning I stepped into the bathroom and lowered my zipper and it split apart. The pants I had poured $9 American hard earned money into had failed me. Disbelief could be the only word to describe the look on my face. It seems like just yesterday I was tearing off the masking tape with $9 written on it. It was eight years and close to 1200 times I had worn the wonder pants and now it is over. I had a marriage that didn't last as long as my pants. Barrack Obama had barely organized his first community when they were bought. The Lions missed the playoffs the year they were bought. (Some things remain unchanged) A gallon of gas cost under two bucks. Shock and Awe happened and that was the nickname for my pants. 5000 people died in a heatwave in France. That one didn't have anything to do with the story but it still tickles me.
This is a testament to why you always pay top dollar for fashion. For eight years I have been resplendent in my black pants. Can you imagine what would have occurred if I bought the other pair. Nations may have risen and fallen from power before I gave those up. So tomorrow it's off to Wal-mart again. I will update you 2019.
Till next.........
The selection was amazing. They had two different types of dress pants.One of them was obviously aiming for the bourgeois crowd because they wanted $19 for a pair of pants. I could get two cups of coffee at Starbucks for that. The other pair was perfect for an old clothes horse like me. Nine dollars American money. Now I know what you're thinking, "Why doesn't he just wait till tomorrow and get a cheap pair of pants?" Because that's not how I roll. Money is no object when it comes to fashion. Sure I would have to cut out a round of golf to pay for them but that is the price you pay to look the way I do.
I reported for work two days later sporting my new trousers. I'm pretty sure the place came to a dead stop when I walked in. Heads turned and everyone gave me the up and down glance. I am confident that what I saw was envy in the eyes of every man and lust in the eyes of every woman. Much like trying not to look at brilliant sunset too directly they turned away but I saw the looks anyway. When you care enough to spend almost ten dollars on a pair of pants people take notice. And it is a sight not soon forgotten. Kind of like the time you accidentally see your Grandmother naked. It leaves an impression that is not easily erased.
Fast forward to today. After my 5th diet coke of the morning I stepped into the bathroom and lowered my zipper and it split apart. The pants I had poured $9 American hard earned money into had failed me. Disbelief could be the only word to describe the look on my face. It seems like just yesterday I was tearing off the masking tape with $9 written on it. It was eight years and close to 1200 times I had worn the wonder pants and now it is over. I had a marriage that didn't last as long as my pants. Barrack Obama had barely organized his first community when they were bought. The Lions missed the playoffs the year they were bought. (Some things remain unchanged) A gallon of gas cost under two bucks. Shock and Awe happened and that was the nickname for my pants. 5000 people died in a heatwave in France. That one didn't have anything to do with the story but it still tickles me.
This is a testament to why you always pay top dollar for fashion. For eight years I have been resplendent in my black pants. Can you imagine what would have occurred if I bought the other pair. Nations may have risen and fallen from power before I gave those up. So tomorrow it's off to Wal-mart again. I will update you 2019.
Till next.........
Friday, February 4, 2011
I met myself 30 years from now....And I haven't....
changed much at all. Just like that commercial where the guy is on an airplane and that smug older dude starts telling him how proud he is of him for sitting in coach. My Dad would pleased as punch with me if that was how low the bar was set. Anyway when I met my old alter ego and it was not about financial security or anything near that important.
I was driving up to Nashville and after not sleeping the night before I was having some trouble picking a lane to stay in. So I pulled into one of the approved gas stations on my list in Monteagle at the same time a large Trailways bus was pulling in. Being the impatient sort that I am I hustled to the counter with a cup of coffee to help wake me up. On my left I saw the bus starting to unload. It looked like outtakes from Dawn of the Dead. These fine folks were not in their 60's. 70's, 80's and carbon dated would be more likely. Given my sleep deprived condition I found it amusing for some reason I can't really explain.
After paying for my coffee, I turned face to face with a dozen or so of the folks waiting in line. Looking over death's waiting room a smile spread across my face and I announced this was the oldest high school cheerleading squad I had ever seen. Half the people asked the person next to them what I said and the rest kind of grinned. Or palsy had set in. But about 4 people back in a line a man about my height with a prominent nose and big ears leaned forward and looked me dead in the eye with what could best be described as a glint. "Fuck You" he loudly said and then broke out laughing. And then I started laughing. The clerk was laughing. Some of the people were laughing. And then it hit me. This was my "future commercial". The guy looked like me and certainly talked like me. As they hobbled back to the bus I felt a certain sense of satisfaction.
30 years from now I know what I will be like and where I will be. Riding a bus in the middle of nowhere buying something easily chewable from a gas station. I'll take it.
Till next......
I was driving up to Nashville and after not sleeping the night before I was having some trouble picking a lane to stay in. So I pulled into one of the approved gas stations on my list in Monteagle at the same time a large Trailways bus was pulling in. Being the impatient sort that I am I hustled to the counter with a cup of coffee to help wake me up. On my left I saw the bus starting to unload. It looked like outtakes from Dawn of the Dead. These fine folks were not in their 60's. 70's, 80's and carbon dated would be more likely. Given my sleep deprived condition I found it amusing for some reason I can't really explain.
After paying for my coffee, I turned face to face with a dozen or so of the folks waiting in line. Looking over death's waiting room a smile spread across my face and I announced this was the oldest high school cheerleading squad I had ever seen. Half the people asked the person next to them what I said and the rest kind of grinned. Or palsy had set in. But about 4 people back in a line a man about my height with a prominent nose and big ears leaned forward and looked me dead in the eye with what could best be described as a glint. "Fuck You" he loudly said and then broke out laughing. And then I started laughing. The clerk was laughing. Some of the people were laughing. And then it hit me. This was my "future commercial". The guy looked like me and certainly talked like me. As they hobbled back to the bus I felt a certain sense of satisfaction.
30 years from now I know what I will be like and where I will be. Riding a bus in the middle of nowhere buying something easily chewable from a gas station. I'll take it.
Till next......
Thursday, February 3, 2011
When cold is really hot.....
When does what you always thought was cold, become hot? The answer I heard today was that record snowfall followed by below zero temperatures was really global warming. That is what Al Gore was peddling again today. Never mind the fact Big Al stands to make billions if he can convince people to regulate carbon. Just look out your window to see if this globe is warming.
But here is where Big Al and the rest of the displaced 60's hippies who didn't go to Harvard and take a job in the Obama administration have an answer. Cold winters mean global warming is real. Huh? Is there a type of weather pattern that doesn't support their theory? Nope. Google global warming quotes from politicians for a good laugh. "The run off from the snow pack will disappear by the next decade" whined Barbra Boxer in 2005. Snow packs are at record levels this winter. The run off should be just fine. How about those rising sea levels? Nope. So if the climate starts cooling is that the end of the charade. Nope. Cooling periods are expected.
I would like to think that somewhere this started out like most projects of good intentions. But how you can alter research, forge documents, change graphs and deliberately try to omit evidence and still think people will take you at face value is beyond me. Yet the billions of dollars at stake here dictate that they will not go back to the test tubes easily. Much like Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House they claim all is well. Baghdad Bob was more believable in his role than Al Gore is. The wizard of Oz had more credibility even after the curtain was pulled back.
Maybe the climate is changing. Few bursts of solar activity might mean a cooling period. More activity might mean we get warmer. I think we all know now that once the temperature does get to a dangerous level (if it ever does) then it will be Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin's fault.
Till next.....
But here is where Big Al and the rest of the displaced 60's hippies who didn't go to Harvard and take a job in the Obama administration have an answer. Cold winters mean global warming is real. Huh? Is there a type of weather pattern that doesn't support their theory? Nope. Google global warming quotes from politicians for a good laugh. "The run off from the snow pack will disappear by the next decade" whined Barbra Boxer in 2005. Snow packs are at record levels this winter. The run off should be just fine. How about those rising sea levels? Nope. So if the climate starts cooling is that the end of the charade. Nope. Cooling periods are expected.
I would like to think that somewhere this started out like most projects of good intentions. But how you can alter research, forge documents, change graphs and deliberately try to omit evidence and still think people will take you at face value is beyond me. Yet the billions of dollars at stake here dictate that they will not go back to the test tubes easily. Much like Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House they claim all is well. Baghdad Bob was more believable in his role than Al Gore is. The wizard of Oz had more credibility even after the curtain was pulled back.
Maybe the climate is changing. Few bursts of solar activity might mean a cooling period. More activity might mean we get warmer. I think we all know now that once the temperature does get to a dangerous level (if it ever does) then it will be Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin's fault.
Till next.....
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The most beautiful sound in the world has to be....
a woman singing or humming a song they truly love. The way the sound just seems to rise up and through the doors of the bathroom. Rising above all else to reach my ears at 6 o clock in the frigging morning. I don't go to bed until 3 or 4 am and to hear someone singing and humming scared me half to death. I have never heard Scarlett sing before and I don't care to ever hear it again at such an early hour. Much like little birds chirping outside my window in the spring time, both make wonderful sounds just too damn early. Ben Franklin and his early to bed early to rise crap can take it down the road. I prefer 9 am in moderation if you please.
But once the Julie Andrews portion of the morning was over the great peace conference began. Nobody can negotiate a peace treaty quite like a mother. In Matthew's view his sister had become an occupying force in the bathroom. He announced, much like the town criers of old that it was 6:25, it was 6:25 and it was 6:25 which meant he was down to only thirty minutes to brush his teeth. He knew a coalition of forces was needed to get his sister out of the bathroom so he storm trooped into our bedroom to get the negotiator. (Not Kevin Spacey, his Mother)
She convened both parties and a truce was struck. Mothers are just better at the peace treaty thing. Dad's get the fighting to stop but leave the anger for a later date. See WW1 peace treaty for an example. So once the kids were done fighting and the hills were no longer alive I got ready for a good nights (15 minutes) sleep. And then the marathon training began. Up and down the stairs they ran. I have no idea what they were getting from their rooms only that each trip up the stairs also required a slamming door to go with it. And how two people who together weigh less than 100 pounds can sound like the linemen of the Super Bowl teams combined is a mystery to me but they do. Cattle stampedes make less noise.
My new plan for tomorrow may be the right answer. Much like the quintessential Gambini in My Cousin Vinny I may have to get thrown in jail so I can get an entire night's sleep. What if I wake up to someone singing to me in a jail cell? Maybe I haven't thought this through. Perhaps a less drastic solution is needed. Ear plugs? Good luck finding some my size. They would like those old time stoppers you used to use to plug up the bathtub. One of those masks that you put over your eyes? Zoro laying on his back with his mouth open and drool coming out is not a pretty image. Best thing to do here is enjoy the morning and get back in the bed after everyone is safely off to school. Might be a good idea to turn off the phone too. Just in case.....
Till next.......
But once the Julie Andrews portion of the morning was over the great peace conference began. Nobody can negotiate a peace treaty quite like a mother. In Matthew's view his sister had become an occupying force in the bathroom. He announced, much like the town criers of old that it was 6:25, it was 6:25 and it was 6:25 which meant he was down to only thirty minutes to brush his teeth. He knew a coalition of forces was needed to get his sister out of the bathroom so he storm trooped into our bedroom to get the negotiator. (Not Kevin Spacey, his Mother)
She convened both parties and a truce was struck. Mothers are just better at the peace treaty thing. Dad's get the fighting to stop but leave the anger for a later date. See WW1 peace treaty for an example. So once the kids were done fighting and the hills were no longer alive I got ready for a good nights (15 minutes) sleep. And then the marathon training began. Up and down the stairs they ran. I have no idea what they were getting from their rooms only that each trip up the stairs also required a slamming door to go with it. And how two people who together weigh less than 100 pounds can sound like the linemen of the Super Bowl teams combined is a mystery to me but they do. Cattle stampedes make less noise.
My new plan for tomorrow may be the right answer. Much like the quintessential Gambini in My Cousin Vinny I may have to get thrown in jail so I can get an entire night's sleep. What if I wake up to someone singing to me in a jail cell? Maybe I haven't thought this through. Perhaps a less drastic solution is needed. Ear plugs? Good luck finding some my size. They would like those old time stoppers you used to use to plug up the bathtub. One of those masks that you put over your eyes? Zoro laying on his back with his mouth open and drool coming out is not a pretty image. Best thing to do here is enjoy the morning and get back in the bed after everyone is safely off to school. Might be a good idea to turn off the phone too. Just in case.....
Till next.......
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Bugs Bunny Tooth....A true story.
Some where in the winter of 1981 or 1982 I decided to leave work a little early. The weather was cold outside and I worked at a country club so there wasn't much to do. Everyone should believe in something and I believe it was time for a drink or two. Or three or four or five. Seven hours later it was time to go home so I ambled out to the 1969 Dodge Dart I was driving at the time and pointed it in a general direction and off I went. Somewhere about a mile from the house I took a quick cat nap and awoke to the brake lights of the car in front of me. I opened my mouth to yell and proceeded to bite the steering wheel with my two front teeth. And they broke right in half. The one on the right just hung in mid air suspended by the nerve. Ouch.
Early the next morning I was in need of some dental work. One of the members that I had played golf with was a man named Wilson who was a dentist. (No, this is not a Tom Hanks stranded on an island propping up a volleyball and yanking out his own teeth moment, his name was Wilson) Due to the fact that I was broke and he was late for his tee time I got a quick double root canal and two caps for my smile. And one of them was a lot bigger than the other. It was then named the Bugs Bunny tooth. And it stayed firmly in place for 25 years.
Until one day when my personal life was falling apart in 2006 I took a nice bite out of an apple and Bugs had left the mouth. Hitched a ride on a fast moving Golden Delicious out of town. In reality it was stuck in the apple when I looked down at it. Well that sure sucked. I had an appointment selling insurance ( I told you my life was falling apart) so I grabbed a bottle of some sort of glue from the store and got Bugs back in my head long enough to sell. Or so I thought. Half way through my enlightening display on the need for insurance, Bugs made another run for freedom. My tooth tumbled almost in slow motion before landing squarely in the middle of my future clients glass coffee table. Tink,tink,tink,tink. Always being able to think quick on my feet I grabbed my wayward crown, jabbed it onto it's post and said,"I recommend not skipping the dental insurance". They bought everything I could sell them. Just to get me out of the house.
Fast forward to today. After one hour and thirty minutes in a dentists chair Bugs is no more. The nice new front teeth will be here in two weeks and all is well. But for some strange reason I feel a sense of loss. Not for the tooth itself. It was bigger than the other one, slightly discolored and had a rough edge on the back side. No, the loss is from the memories. Painful as they were they served to remind of mistakes made and not to be repeated. It also gave me a built in excuse to not be my best. A fall back position of failure. And now it is no more. Still it does look good to look in the mirror and not utter "What's up Doc?" Hossenfeffer for dinner anyone?
Early the next morning I was in need of some dental work. One of the members that I had played golf with was a man named Wilson who was a dentist. (No, this is not a Tom Hanks stranded on an island propping up a volleyball and yanking out his own teeth moment, his name was Wilson) Due to the fact that I was broke and he was late for his tee time I got a quick double root canal and two caps for my smile. And one of them was a lot bigger than the other. It was then named the Bugs Bunny tooth. And it stayed firmly in place for 25 years.
Until one day when my personal life was falling apart in 2006 I took a nice bite out of an apple and Bugs had left the mouth. Hitched a ride on a fast moving Golden Delicious out of town. In reality it was stuck in the apple when I looked down at it. Well that sure sucked. I had an appointment selling insurance ( I told you my life was falling apart) so I grabbed a bottle of some sort of glue from the store and got Bugs back in my head long enough to sell. Or so I thought. Half way through my enlightening display on the need for insurance, Bugs made another run for freedom. My tooth tumbled almost in slow motion before landing squarely in the middle of my future clients glass coffee table. Tink,tink,tink,tink. Always being able to think quick on my feet I grabbed my wayward crown, jabbed it onto it's post and said,"I recommend not skipping the dental insurance". They bought everything I could sell them. Just to get me out of the house.
Fast forward to today. After one hour and thirty minutes in a dentists chair Bugs is no more. The nice new front teeth will be here in two weeks and all is well. But for some strange reason I feel a sense of loss. Not for the tooth itself. It was bigger than the other one, slightly discolored and had a rough edge on the back side. No, the loss is from the memories. Painful as they were they served to remind of mistakes made and not to be repeated. It also gave me a built in excuse to not be my best. A fall back position of failure. And now it is no more. Still it does look good to look in the mirror and not utter "What's up Doc?" Hossenfeffer for dinner anyone?
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