I may have married Mel Gibson. Or Food Tourettes part 2

Last night Scarlett asked me if I could run by the store and pick up a few things. Accommodating gentleman that I am I agreed and she quickly wrote out a list. Seemed very average as far as list's go. Tomatoes, yogurt, blueberries, lettuce and some bottled water. Oh and some milk, soda and bread and....


So off I go and hunt my items and drag them back to the man cave. Once I got everything hauled in, I started putting away the food. It was then I noticed that to put away the new blueberries I would have to move the old ones. Same with the tomatoes. And the yogurt. And the lettuce. Then I realized this wasn't a list, it was a menu for her lunch tomorrow. Normal people will take at least a cursory glance at the current inventory before ordering more. Nope. Just fire away at whatever pops into your head. It looked like a Bing commercial. She had this far away look and just started randomly stringing perishables and non-perishable together.


After putting all the items away, my curiosity was definitely aroused. So I start really looking into our pantry. We own two open boxes of parchment paper. I am almost 50 years old and I have never seen one box of parchment paper. What the hell is it for? Wax paper I have at least heard of. We have three of those. The amount of duplicated products was astonishing and amusing. During my fits of laughter I discovered that my wife had a secret life that I was oblivious to.


Back in the right hand corner of the pantry I found some french style cut green beans. Not one, two, three, four or even five cans. There were 8 cans of french style cut green beans. And they were by different companies. Del Monte was represented. Publix brand. Green Giant would never be left out of this parade. These were purchased at all sorts of different times. Much like the Mel Gibson character Jerry Fletcher had to buy his copy of Catcher in the Rye, Scarlett has to buy green beans. Using a normal schedule we have enough beans to make a casserole for every big holiday until Christmas of 2016.


Apparently this clandestine love affair she has had with the Parisian legume has been going on before I entered her life. She kept her secret well hidden. When I asked her about the obsession she was carrying on, she broke down and admitted she even had a can at her office. In case she needed to whip up a green bean casserole for somebody coming in to tighten up a will. Just when you think you know somebody you find out about a second life. To quote Jerry Fletcher, "What do we know? If I knew what we know I would know who knew how much we know." At least I shall never go off in search of a side dish. Is it a holiday yet?











Till next.......