Perfect eyesight and big ears. What am I supposed..

to do with these things? Once again I proved that even though my hearing is perfect, my ability to listen ain't worth diddly poo. Last week I had an anniversary that I was buying a gift for. (2nd year, 3rd wife) Scarlett had been very kind and told me what she wanted. Imagine my surprise when it was the exact same gift she had requested for Christmas. That is right boys and girls, it was the same gift I didn't give her for Christmas. Who needs ears if you can't hear?

It's not the hearing part that gets you. It's the listening. I know she said that was the gift. She even sent me a link on how to buy it over the Internet. And still I didn't go for it. I didn't believe my lying eyes. Besides if I used the debit card she would see the transaction and the surprise would be gone. If I wasn't such a jackass I would have known there was no surprise because she sent me the link. How stupid can one man be? The answer seems obvious but it is not. Let me explain why being stupid isn't the problem. Human nature and being a man is the problem.

Being a man comes with certain genetic defects. Not the least of which is you think you can always do something better. When Michelangelo completed the Sistine Chapel he probably looked up and said, "Not bad, could be better". Nolan Ryan threw seven no-hitters in baseball. Nobody is even close. He lamented he should have thrown closer to ten. So when your wife tells you what gift to get, you know you can do better. Then you find out you can't get it until February 10th. In a woman's world a gift delayed is a gift denied. No matter how nice it is if it ain't on time, it ain't good. But I had a plan. Not a good one, mind you, but a plan.

See I was going to buy this cool IPhone 4 and surprise her. But it didn't happen. And then I was going to get the charm at the mall. They were out. Then I was going to get flowers and by the time I got back into town the florist were all closed. This is another one of those defects we talked about earlier. The ability to admit defeat and beg for forgiveness. One of the things women reportedly love about us men is our talent for putting your head down and getting the job done. Apparently this does not apply to screw ups. They like to know about those right away.

Well forgiveness was granted several days later and all is well. For a couple of days I was so far in the dog house when friends came over I didn't know whether to shake hands or sniff their ass. So now I am resigned to the fact that all gifts shall be purchased by those who wish to get them. And I will slink back to my man cave and try and invent the wheel. Better version.



Till next.....