What happened to the Marlboro Man?

Starting back in May of last year I took a part time job at a local grocery store to earn some extra cash to retire debt. It was the whole Dave Ramsey thing, pay off the small bills first and then the big ones. Everything worked out and the IRS is no longer sending me Christmas cards. If you ever want to see a true slice of people's lives get a job stocking shelves. The one thing that really surprised wasn't the extreme coupon clippers or the really confused men on the baking aisle. It is the couple who occupy the health and beauty aisle for a half an hour.
I must have missed the memo that said shopping and smelling deodorants together is a bonding experience. Or asking your wife or girlfriend what she thinks about a certain type of face wash. Nothing against smelling good or washing your face but how about growing a pair of testicles and buying some charcoal and lighter fluid? I thought as men we were supposed to be somewhat rough around the edges. Head of the household should be a little more macho than requesting permission for the peach mango bath beads, don't you think? Do you really want your wife looking to you for advice on scented candles? Or garnering your insight concerning fabric softener? This can't be what we men were designed for. We can barely wipe our ass correctly.
Perhaps the Alpha male is no longer relevant? At the very least the numbers seem to be shrinking. It used to be that men were counted on to dress badly and behave even worse after a few drinks especially. Get a group of guys together and listen to the dirty jokes and war stories fly. Now you are just as likely to hear heartfelt debates about feelings, fashion or, gasp, face wash. Maybe its for the better but I'm not so sure. We were made differently for a reason. It's hard to ignore someone if they are talking about something you are actually interested in. And as men, we should be ignored at regular intervals. Part of our charm is that we are so clueless about the opposite sex. If we start communicating with knowledge and passion the world will be out of balance. Sports bars, bowling alleys and topless bars are doomed. The economy will collapse.
How alarming would it be if your wife came down on Sunday morning and took a seat on the couch while scratching herself and mumbling something about watching the pregame show? Or if she leans up on one cheek, passes gas and looks at you and said,"That felt really good"? Are you seeing the big picture yet? I think everybody can see the problems this role reversal would create.
So my advice to all the men wandering around the hair coloring or staring intently at the scented deodorants is simple: It's called bar soap or body wash. Pick one and get over yourself. As soon as you leave the store go and change the transmission in a strippers car to get your testosterone level back up. And please stop asking your wife or girlfriend to smell whatever it is your about to buy. Unless it's a steak that's on sale and out of date. Then its okay.

Till next.......