Grand Mall Seizure

As we barrel toward another Christmas I am once again very behind in my shopping. Normally this causes no concern at all because I can get all my gifts in a six hour span at any all mall in America. My plan has always been the same. I arrive just when they are rolling up those iron gates to let customers in. What ever happened to doors? Did they want to introduce that prison feeling to our shopping experience? I half expect to hear someone shout "roll call" when the gate rattles up. Back to the plan. I start at the overpriced mall coffee shop for a large coffee with a double shot of espresso. I pay the nine dollars plus tip for my "barista" ,who looks a lot like the kid I threw out of my bowling center last night, and head out to buy something.
Well the caffeine kicks in at about the third store. After buying my Mom and Dad a lovely set of his and hers tri-fold ladders (you never know when you need to elevate) its into Victoria Secret. Not here to buy anything but I was walking by so, anyway off to the next store. I'm picking up speed now running down the yellow brick road of the mall like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. "Hello Bed, Bath and Beyond, Hello you old Yankee Candle Shop, Hello you old Kiosk with crap nobody buys till Christmas eve" I shout as I run by. I'm not trying to be Jimmy Stewart running and yelling but security is usually chasing me by this time.
There are two very important questions you must ask at every store on this type of shopping program. The first is do you gift wrap? If the answer is no you are in the wrong store. The back up plan is the "when you care enough to buy but not to wrap, gift bag". I am a fan of the gift bag. The bigger the present the bigger the bag. Try fitting a king size select comfort bed in a bag. It takes a while. Plan accordingly. The second question is even more important, "What would you buy a ........?" Any good salesman should have an idea of what they would buy for the people I care most about. Wife, kids, parents, cousins and family dog should all be things he can quickly rattle off a nice gift for. Waiters offer dinner choices, it is not unreasonable to expect a salesman to give a hint on what to buy my second cousins kids in Chicago. Because let's be honest here, if you had any idea what to buy you would have done this long before now.
If luck does not break your way and you get shut out from completing your list do not get depressed. I have been at a 7/11 on Christmas morning buying that last minute Kenny G Christmas songs Cd for the perfect stocking stuffer.(I really don't know of anyone who would want this in their stocking, I am trying to be positive). And long distance calling cards show how much you care. Even if they are in Spanish. Feliz Navidad bro! Or a gallon of milk. A carton of smokes. Options abound. Remember it is the thought that counts. So go ahead and mix the lime and cherry for the extra giant Christmas Slurpee. Just get in under the tree before it melts. Merry Christmas to all and to all a microwave burrito!

Till next........