If it weren't for this sense of humor I might be totally ..

useless. What do you say about a man who is incapable of the simplest household tasks? Recently I took on the chore of hanging a towel rack in the bathroom that had been unceremoniously ripped out of the wall. 15 minutes later I emerged from the garage with a tape measure and a plan of action. After carefully calculating the exact height and width of the entire wall I was off to Wal Mart for some serious hardware. I may have listened to a Bob Villa book on tape on the way to the store to help gird my loins before beginning my remodeling career.
As I walked into the store I went right to the section housing towel racks. Well, not exactly. After 10 minutes of aimlessly searching aisle after aisle I stopped a Wal Mart associate. Not really sure what he was associated with but it was not a knowledge of bathroom fixtures or their location. Two associates later I was swaying in a very deep trance in front of nine different types of towel bars. I was in serious trouble now. My measurements were of no help here. This was going to take some professional advice. I found a guy wearing a plaid shirt. Hello expert!
"Do you think you need wall anchors?" I don't know. The wall seemed perfectly sturdy to me but you can never be to sure so I said "Sure do, it's pretty loose". My plaid covered expert looked at me like a father looks at his son who has just stuck a nickel up his nose and asked for help to remove it. He wanted to help but he was pretty sure it wouldn't make a difference. He was nice enough to assist me with the selection of a sleek looking towel bar with two screws on each side. I also bought wall anchors, a can of WD40, extra screws and some stuff to repair the holes in the wall after I was through. Call me crazy but I had a hunch I would need it.
Once I returned home 2 hours later (Wal Mart is 4 miles away) it was time to hang some bar. Sounds pretty cool when you say it that way. It didn't take long to figure out you need a hammer to put in wall anchors. Well a couple of quick taps later and the anchors had disappeared behind the wall. I heard them fall all the way to the floor. Back to Wal Mart for more anchors and an entirely different type of towel bar. Back to the house, hammer in hand I proceed to knock my new wall anchors to the floor behind the wall as well. Time for plan B.
With my new towel bar I drilled two screws perfectly where they belonged. My new rack actually gleamed when I let go. I may have heard an angel sing, not sure. I proudly put my nicest towel over the bar and stood back just in time for it to crash to the floor. At this point the car that Sonny Corleone drove to the toll booth had less holes in it. And Sonny had a better chance of hanging that towel rack. I was done at that point.
So you see how lucky I am. If I were not so inept that it was funny I would be in real trouble. As it is, I merely just have to attempt handyman chores and laughter will ensue. Some assembly required? Could be, but it won't be me. I'll pay someone to put it together for me. It's my version of the stimulus package. I'm just doing my little part to keep the cash circulating. I'm sure I could put that bike together. 3 or 4 wheels. Details, details. Just let me know if you have anything that needs to be done around the house. If you need a laugh that is.

Till next......