Yesterday the most eligible bachelor in Russia became officially available. I wonder if Vlad Putin has thought about Match.com. Perhaps his profile would include:Likes, horseback riding (shirtless preferred) fishing (shirtless preferred) wrestling with bears, world domination, board games (Risk is my favorite) Dislikes: Freedom, opposing viewpoints, mom jeans. With a profile like that who wouldn't want to date a man who has probably killed people with his bare hands? But if you are a small town girl, living in a lonely world and you decide to meet with the boy born and raised in south Leningrad there are a few things to avoid.
1. If he suggests that you go to dinner at an out of the way place, decline. Unless you know where Siberia is and are okay with it.Stick to a busy place with plenty of eye witnesses.
2. Try not to ask too many personal questions. Rumor has it Vlad is a bit secretive. What's your favorite color? (Red) That is a safe one. Do you prefer poison or just starving your enemies is a question better suited for later in the relationship.
3. Try to steer clear of politics and religion.Vlad does not take well to people who disagree with him on politics. He has a disturbing tendency to have them killed. Religion is another touchy subject with him, judging by the number of people who suggested other ideas and disappeared. Stick to the basics.
4. Try to keep the conversation focused on the things you like and your history. He has probably been spying on you anyway and already knows the answers. It may seem a little creepy when he tells you he already knew the name of your childhood dog but play along. He is ex-KGB after all.
5. The last, but certainly not least, thing to avoid is moving too fast. Let's face it, he's a pretty good catch. He's got a good job, (until his party loses power, then he will be killed) he has a nice house,(palace) and doesn't mind getting his hands dirty.(good or bad) He seems to be a man's man in a world where there are fewer of them everyday.(Because he's having them killed) As attractive as all this may be, I wouldn't demand that he 'put a ring on it' right away. With the language barrier that could be misconstrued. He might put a ring on your wrist and ankles. We call them shackles but they are round metal bands either way.
I didn't include this on the list but stay away from a low cut top. Vladimir has a set of man cans that are probably a C cup and you don't want to make him feel inferior. Try to look at his eyes and keep from staring at his moobs. It might save your life.
Till next.......
Looking at life through the odd mix of optimism, sarcasm, love and humor and not always in that order.
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