How to close Guantanamo Bay in one year.....

  Given the fact that a big deal has been made out of closing the terrorist country club of Gitmo for the last five years or so I thought maybe I could help. The sixth amendment not withstanding, we have a bunch of really nasty characters that we can't release because they are too dangerous and no other country wants them either. So how about we let them experience our culture first hand? Here is what I had in mind.
  Let's divide the work program into the four seasons, more or less. January through March our guests will be stationed in my hometown of Painesdale, Michigan working the snow removal program. This year they have had 320 inches of snow thus far so I know they could use the help. Because most of these guys come from places that don't exactly embrace technology we will skip the snow plow training and hand out shovels. I'm thinking 12 hours of shoveling snow just to watch a snow plow put it right back where it was will have them longing for the good old days of caves and camels. At least the women will be dressed similar to what they are used to. A burka and a snow mobile suit are not that different in amount of exposed skin.
   For springtime it is down south to Atlanta for the beautiful blooming season. For work we can start at all the car dealerships washing the pollen off of the cars. I realize that there may be allergy issues because the homeland of our guests has two types of plants; heroin poppies and rocks. Perhaps a diet of strictly dairy products would help. For night time work we will have them work security at the Clermont Lounge. These are supposedly some pretty tough guys right? They will have to be for this detail. Cover your eyes fellas!
  No summer would be complete without a trip to the southwest. How about Texas and Arizona? We obviously have no idea how to build a fence (unless it involves the restriction of cattle, then we rock) so how about helping us out by constructing that border fence for us? You'll probably run into some people you know while you're working, but don't let them in. That would be defeating the purpose. There will be plenty of Lone Star beer and barbecue to keep you hydrated and energized for the work. Thanks for the help.
  We will need to split the last season into two parts. The first will spent raking leaves at all of our national parks. What better way to appreciate the beauty of the country you hate so much? Starting on Thanksgiving you will be working customer service at area Wal-Marts. This will be the ultimate slice of American humanity for all of the Gitmo visitors. Try to keep a helpful and joyous attitude. I strongly believe that everyone will be begging for water-boarding by the end of the year. I'm just trying to help.

Till next.......