Totally Random Ramblings......

  While this would be a perfect title for the speeches of our elected officials it is not the content of this blog today. What follows is just a collection of thoughts that have crept past my twisted mind in the last few days. There is no deep meaning, hidden messages or moral to the story, similar to an episode of Psych.
  Chicks dig foreign accents. They seem especially smitten with Italian or French. Even Australian piques the interest of the average female. (how else do you explain the success of Crocodile Dundee) There is one glaring exception to this rule: Canadian. No couple has ever watched Fargo, hurried home, got naked and thrown the McKenzie Brothers 12 Days of Christmas song on the stereo and gotten busy. Never happened.
  I come by my sarcasm honestly. When I was a child our family was watching The Waltons on television and when they all starting saying good night to each other, I started making comments about our family getting as big as the Waltons.(I think they had 8 kids, we were at 5, 6 came a few years later) My father had heard enough and remarked with a growl, "If you were born after John Boy they sure as hell wouldn't have had six more." That comment should be worth a hour on a therapists couch alone. Well played, Dad.
  The legalization of pot for recreational use raises some issues. Will it be illegal to work under the influence of pot? If so, we should go ahead and close 80% of all restaurants, all head shops, the Mayors' office in Toronto and the DMV. Sorry, I know the DMV is already drug tested but they moved like they are stoned already. How are the police going to test drivers? Ask them to complete the lyrics of Pink Floyd songs? Recite the alphabet forward? Check for used Twinkie wrappers and empty Pringles cans in the backseat? Will they have a 'slow lane' for stoners? There are some things that need to be worked out, obviously.
  There appears to be a fashion trend among women to wear very high heels and even shorter skirts. If this continues we will soon witness a woman on stilts wearing one of those pouches the guys at Home Depot wear to keep their tools in. At some point even the strippers are going to say they've gone too far.
  On Friday there was a 4 page article on the fact that sarcasm could be hurtful. My initial reaction, no kidding, I hope your parents didn't pay for that journalism degree. The money would have been better spent getting a science degree and telling me water was wet. Like I said earlier, I come by it honestly. A shovel can be hurtful if someone hits you in the head with it but it doesn't take 4 pages to tell me that either.
  Is anyone else glad that Burger King quit running those ads with the creepy, big plastic headed guy waking up in someones' bed? Didn't their slogan used to be "Have it your way."? My way would be to keep that clown school drop out with the pedophilia like grin far away form any room in my house. Somebody actually convinced Burger King those were good commercials. I can hear the pitch meeting now. "So we dress him up in robes like a king and then put a big friggin' plastic head on top of him. And we put a smile on his face, kind of like the Joker from Batman only without the warm and fuzzy feeling. Then we can put him in the bed with people or on a playground. It tested well with our focus group." Sure, the focus group was a federal penitentiary at San Quentin but why quibble over details. Good riddance, Creepy King.
  When I brought my car in for an oil change I was asked if I wanted my tires balanced. I replied, "Sure, do you have a seal back there? Or are you going to do the Harlem Globetrotter thing on your finger?" After a long period of staring at each other I said that the oil change was all I needed. More hurtful sarcasm.

Till next......