Giving thanks...when you are hurting and...

just don't feel like you can. It's a situation all of us have had at one time or another. 2013 has been a tough year for many of the regular readers here. We have lost quite a few dear friends, many far earlier than anyone would expect and all without an explanation. The pain felt is very real and the grieving process can take months, years or a lifetime. With respect of privacy, I won't list their names because they were not public figures. They were wonderful people who will be greatly missed.
    Famous people who we have come to know so well we felt like they were a part of our lives have died this year as well, leaving even more emptiness. For me, writers like Vince Flynn and Tom Clancy, actors James Gandolfini and Dennis Farina, announcers Pat Summerall and Ken Venturi, rockers Lou Reed and Ray Manzarek  have all been woven into the fabric of my life for many decades. It seems like every week another friend or someone admired is passing away. So how do you give thanks for that?
    Expressing thanks can come in different shapes and sizes. Many use prayer and scripture, others simply say thanks to the people they know and love. They both work for me. But something changed in me several years ago, when I was struggling with grief. I decided that I was going to give thanks a different way.
     We have no idea how long we get to be here so I decided that I wasn't going to waste another minute of it. What better way to give thanks than to use what time has been given to the fullest? Thank you for giving me one more day to be better, nicer, and filled with grace. Thank you for giving me the courage to try something new, even if I fail, and giving me the determination to get back up. Thank you for giving me one more day to help people going through tougher times than me. Thank you for allowing me to be compassionate enough to feel sadness when others are no longer given another day.
     Thoreau had it right when he talked about living a life of quiet desperation. My Thanksgiving day hope for everyone is that we shun the life of quiet desperation. I hope we all grab life like a wet towel, twisting the ends until we start wringing out everything in it. Twisting until the happiness, joy and sense of adventure and purpose pour out of it in front of us. Then when life has nothing more to give, we let the towel fall to the floor, soaking up everything for the next person who dares to pick it up. That is something to be truly thankful for.

Till next........

Two sons...Two report cards....Too bad....

This weekend my two boys, Christopher and Zachary, are in Atlanta to have some fun. But first it was time to show Dad how the first half of the school year went. This is not normally a time for nervousness for the two but they seemed different when I asked them about their grades before Christmas. Both of them said they weren't sure how they came out. Curious?

Upon intense grilling from me during our vacation it was revealed that they both thought a "B" was forthcoming in one of their classes. One "B" and they were worried. Zachary and Christopher have had one each so far in their academic journey. And now they fretted over another one. Priceless. Talk about setting the bar high. They jacked it all the way up to the top. Both had a bad quiz or something like it and thought it doomed the grade. What I found most interesting is the intensity they approach school with. It is impressive.

So it got me to thinking, do we push our kids hard enough? Do we tell them that trying is good enough? Are we expecting "A"s in every subject? How high do we set the bar as parents? The answer in my case is I do expect all "A"s and anything less than that needs an explanation. Why? Because they are equipped mentally to handle to school. If they do not it's because they are not giving it the importance it deserves. When it comes to education I am a tough parent. I will mock and ridicule my kids if they are slacking. Before you start telling me how bad that is for the child keep in mind that all kids are different. Mine know what sarcasm is already. They have heard it every day of their lives. Pretty sure about the mocking as well. Why so tough?

Because during my school years (I was two years behind Noah before he dropped out to build the ark) I slacked a lot. I seem to remember that I had plenty of brain power but no focus. My grades were much better than average and I didn't care a bit. One and half years of collage and it was on to cold beer and hot women. Okay, at least I knew what the beer was like. Anyway, life has been very good to me but it could have, and should have been easier. With a small amount of focus I would have had at least one or two degrees. The reason I push the boys so hard is out of love. I don't want them to have to work as hard as I did. They should be able to make a living and make a life. They won't be afraid of hard work but it would be nice if they had an option or two.

The report cards were straight "A"s again. Turns out they were worried over nothing. I was not surprised at all. I expect to see those grades. And if there comes a time where they get worse I will probably mock and then hug them. Kid them and then laugh with them. Too bad they don't know this but they already graduated with honors in my heart. Because they get straight "A"s in kindness, respect, compassion, love and forgiveness from me. If I tell them it's okay to get a "B" now, they might start doing it. And that would be my fault for lowering the bar.



Till next.....