Snow in Georgia...Not the Russian one....The Peach One..

So this huge storm hits on Sunday night a couple of weeks ago and everyone in a three state radius knew it was coming. And there was not a damn thing we could do about it. Just wait and wonder how big it would be and how long it would last. Kind of like a sorority girl on ....never mind that. It started me thinking about how little we actually control in life. And I think I have it narrowed down to one thing we have complete control over. One and only one. How can that be?


The two biggest events in our life are our birth and our death. And we have no control over either one. So if we have no control over the two most important things it seems that we wouldn't have any say over the rest of it. You can say you won't leave the house today and it can burn down and chase you into the street. You think you can control what you eat and drink? Not always. People in hospital beds with a tube down their throat feeding them dinner probably didn't wake up that morning expecting or planning that. So what is the one thing? Think about it.



That is the answer. What you decide to put into your head is the only thing you control. What happens to you during the day can be fairly random. Circumstances are almost always beyond your control. But how you choose to interpret them is your call. You cannot decide to win the lottery but you can choose to be happy about. Or mad because you had to split it with the third shift down at the local plant. That one is easy. The tougher the event, the tougher it is to put the right thought in your head. You find a twenty dollar bill. You are happy. You see a story on the nightly news about a family whose power has been turned off. You are sad. You try to donate the twenty dollars to the family but they cannot be reached because the phone is now shut off. You are sad and mad. You finally reach the family and give them the twenty dollars and the mother tells you that will make up for the twenty she lost going to pay the power bill. In the same parking lot you found it. Now how do feel?



I know that's a tough one. But the point is whatever you feel is what you choose to feel. Some will feel good, some bad and some relieved. Others will fell guilty. But everyone gets to choose. Nobody gets to put the thoughts in your head. So my humble advice would be to guard your thoughts. Don't let other people tell you how you feel. Or that your feelings aren't valid. And remember that if you get a choice for all your thoughts, you can choose positive over negative. Every time if you want. It's your choice. To quote the old knight watching over the cup that Christ drank out of in the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom movie, "Choose wisely".



Till next......

Here's what learned on my Christmas vacation....

If you make a New Years resolution to get healthy and start taking vitamins do not call 911 the first time you pee. A martian has not taken over your bladder, it's just the vitamins.

When putting away all the decorations and lights from the holidays do not ask the kids to put anything in the box marked "toys". This will be the cause of therapy in their adult years.

Whoever said, "It's the thought that counts" never had children. Or was married for more than one Christmas.

The difference between having to beg a child to take a shower and begging them to get out is the age they reach puberty.

American ingenuity is not dead. Come and watch me pack a car for a week long trip with four kids and the wife and I'll show you creative.

Just because you have fond memories of where you grew up does not mean your kids, step kids or your wife will agree. Taking them to a climate that scares penguins may not be a good idea.

Presents that are still in the box do not have the "wow" factor. Kids will try to appear happy (not all of them) but to them it is a box.

This is not a complete list of all the lesson learned over the last three weeks. The best thing I learned was something I already knew. There is no substitute for family and friends. And Jesus is still the reason for the season. Although convincing kids of that is, well, only 354 shopping days left.

Till next.......

Grand Mall Seizure

As we barrel toward another Christmas I am once again very behind in my shopping. Normally this causes no concern at all because I can get all my gifts in a six hour span at any all mall in America. My plan has always been the same. I arrive just when they are rolling up those iron gates to let customers in. What ever happened to doors? Did they want to introduce that prison feeling to our shopping experience? I half expect to hear someone shout "roll call" when the gate rattles up. Back to the plan. I start at the overpriced mall coffee shop for a large coffee with a double shot of espresso. I pay the nine dollars plus tip for my "barista" ,who looks a lot like the kid I threw out of my bowling center last night, and head out to buy something.
Well the caffeine kicks in at about the third store. After buying my Mom and Dad a lovely set of his and hers tri-fold ladders (you never know when you need to elevate) its into Victoria Secret. Not here to buy anything but I was walking by so, anyway off to the next store. I'm picking up speed now running down the yellow brick road of the mall like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. "Hello Bed, Bath and Beyond, Hello you old Yankee Candle Shop, Hello you old Kiosk with crap nobody buys till Christmas eve" I shout as I run by. I'm not trying to be Jimmy Stewart running and yelling but security is usually chasing me by this time.
There are two very important questions you must ask at every store on this type of shopping program. The first is do you gift wrap? If the answer is no you are in the wrong store. The back up plan is the "when you care enough to buy but not to wrap, gift bag". I am a fan of the gift bag. The bigger the present the bigger the bag. Try fitting a king size select comfort bed in a bag. It takes a while. Plan accordingly. The second question is even more important, "What would you buy a ........?" Any good salesman should have an idea of what they would buy for the people I care most about. Wife, kids, parents, cousins and family dog should all be things he can quickly rattle off a nice gift for. Waiters offer dinner choices, it is not unreasonable to expect a salesman to give a hint on what to buy my second cousins kids in Chicago. Because let's be honest here, if you had any idea what to buy you would have done this long before now.
If luck does not break your way and you get shut out from completing your list do not get depressed. I have been at a 7/11 on Christmas morning buying that last minute Kenny G Christmas songs Cd for the perfect stocking stuffer.(I really don't know of anyone who would want this in their stocking, I am trying to be positive). And long distance calling cards show how much you care. Even if they are in Spanish. Feliz Navidad bro! Or a gallon of milk. A carton of smokes. Options abound. Remember it is the thought that counts. So go ahead and mix the lime and cherry for the extra giant Christmas Slurpee. Just get in under the tree before it melts. Merry Christmas to all and to all a microwave burrito!

Till next........

Sunday musings....God, football, Christmas decorating

Why do all the Mega churches have to use a police car to get out of the parking lot after the service? If you are walking with God, a timely merge into traffic to beat the heathens to IHOP seems a bit out of focus.

If everyone who goes to church does a 10% tithe and then leaves a 20% tip at IHOP, are they saying the waitress is worth twice as much as the church?

Is it really just a coincidence that most services end 30 minutes before the football games kick off? Somewhere a conversation probably sounded like this. "I know you created Heaven and Earth but if we don't move our end time up we are going to lose half the south every Sunday."

We used to string popcorn for tree decorations. Since I quit smoking I cannot be trusted to handle food products. Last night I cooked 12 hot dogs and said I was using them for tree decorations. Nobody bought it.

The evolution of decorations is odd. We started with cheap items that could be made at home and progressed to slick marketing tools for all. Jenna Jameson ornament anyone? Try and make sense out of that one. Agnostic tree ornaments? Yep. Got those out there too. I say we go back to popcorn and cranberries. Not an Orville Redenbacher bulb or a Cranberries CD. Never mind.

At one time I had a Texas Rangers bulb, Detroit Lions bulb and Dallas Mavericks bulb (this is in the 1990's when the Mavs sucked). And I always bought the most beautiful Christmas trees every year. Kind of like Angelina Jolie with that vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around around her neck. Absolutely beautiful until you see what hanging off it. Then it's just creepy.


A bad quarterback and a great preacher are the only people I know who can make 50,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ" at the same time.

If God didn't want us to watch football why did he invent big screen TVs? The game would be much less exciting if we had to wait for those monks to scribe the score and get it out to us.

Smile on this beautiful day the Lord had made, you could be a Lions fan....

Till next.........

Oh no. Not another a hat!!

Let's talk Christmas gifts. What do get for the man who has everything? I have heard women ask this question before without understanding the fundamental bedrock principal that no man has everything he wants. Any man would welcome a new car. Or season tickets. Or a tropical vacation. Or any other number of things. So the real statement should be what am I willing to spend on him because he already has most of the useless crap he needs or wants. Now that we have some parameters lets move forward.

At my age I know I am getting books from my kids. That's good because I love to read. My Grandpa always got ties and socks from us kids. He always managed to look excited. I wonder if he ever wore any of them? I doubt it. Where was I? Oh yes we were on presents. Ladies, a man will always tell you what he wants just not directly. Usually it will come in the middle of a rant or just plain bitching. For instance, "I shot a frigging 98 today. Not much of a surprise with that old driver I'm trying to hit". What he means is "Honey I would love the new driver I saw at the golf shop for Christmas". Your man is paying you the greatest compliment of all. He knows how smart and perceptive you are. He knows it would be gauche to come out and ask for his gift. He is allowing you to use that famous women's intuition to make him happy. Yes, I realize how stupid it is that we think we married Yoda and you will use the force to shop. We are not very smart.

Speaking of stupid, men are not very creative or perceptive. Or sensitive or self aware or a lot of other things. But if we have a list of things to get, we can get them. No guarantees on the proper size. It is important to keep in mind that we are easily distracted as well. Shiny objects like a uniform or a beer tap tend to throw us off track quickly. When mapping out our journey try to steer us clear of such items. Nothing says eternal love quite like a gift certificate. We are bad ass when it comes to the old GC's as we like to call them. Just name the store and the amount babe, we are all over it. The nearest thing to guy proof shopping.

To summarize, women need to have the skills of a physic ninja to figure out what gift to get for Christmas while the man merely hopes for a list of stores and amounts to fill his shopping list.

Fairness is obviously not part of this equation. It is not. The good news for the women is that the day after Christmas your man has forgotten if you bought him a gift at all. And if he wakes up without being super glued together anywhere than he knows he must have done OK. Tis the season to be jolly......

Till next.....