Happy Thanksgiving to who?

Of course family and friends. Co-workers, most of them get the 1700's shout out. But if I was taught right, wasn't the feast shared with people who were not getting along really well? Pretty sure they had a disagreement or two leading up to the turkey and mashed taters. Trying to kill each other is not exactly a way to build warm and fuzzy relationships. So if we are following tradition we should be sitting down today with folks that kind of piss us off. Who would that be?

How about inviting Osama bin Laden over for turkey? Send the invite on the tip of bunker busting bomb to make sure he gets it. How about the pot bellied pig dictator for North Korea? Kim Jong-Il would probably like to come over for some dog flavored turkey and dressing. And while we are sending out the "come on overs" don't forget Ahamedinejad in Iran. We could get a yellow pages book for him to sit on. Let's extend a hand to these nut jobs. See if we can't have them over turkey and arsenic. Pumpkin pie and water boarding. Yummy.

What about a nice dinner with any customer service representative located outside the U.S.? Am the only one wishing the person helping me spoke a language close to mine? At least a grasp of where verbs and nouns go in conjunction with each other would be nice. Maybe being able to point to the home office on a map. Pronounce the word "warranty" somewhat close to a three syllable word. It might be fun just to have one over to announce the menu. Then to tell him we are currently out of food and ask if I can be of any further assistance today. Now that is giving thanks.

How about your auto mechanic? "Turkey was only $20 but the labor to cook it is a hundred. While I was prepping the turkey I found a place for stuffing so that's gonna need to fixed We went ahead and added the mashed potatoes for you at no charge. The gravy was $42. You are welcome." Extend the greasy hand of fellowship. Invite Mr Goodwrench over a new set of 4 candied yams. Charge him a thousand bucks but throw in the marshmallows.

Airline Security people come on over. Before you walk through my front door remove your shoes, belt and common sense. Keep your hands out of the turkey crevices please. Empty your pockets before sitting at the table. Unfortunately you will have to eat with your fingers because no knives or forks are allowed. The gravy and butter has been pre-portioned in three ounce clear baggies at the end of the table.

To sum up this message of the true spirit of Thanksgiving, let's try to remember that the people we love get our thanks year round. The people we don't should at least get a dinner once a year and a very fake "Happy Thanksgiving!"